Make Myself A Legacy (Another Stray Kids Member)

[MM] Dark Moments We Share (Seungmin x Leon)

"I was so scared at that moment. So scared but I had to man up. I had to be the man hyung always was to us."

The boys were more knowledgeable of one another's breaking points at this point. With how many years of being together and going through challenges for the sake of making dreams come true is a concept. So it was not normal but somewhat familiar to see each other go through dark phases of their life. No one would ever judge.

Seungmin wasn't judging. But what he saw was one of the most heartbreaking moments of his life. He came to learn that passion also came with a price. But it's price also came with more sacrifices. He witnessed the lost stages of his members, the reinventing moments, then is it enough times and he himself had gone through his own. He tried to be as much help to others. He tried to remain optimistic, tried to be teasing, and all because he wanted to remind everyone that they were still allowed to be youthful. The media didn't have to take everything. Their love for performing didn't have to consume them whole and left behind with none.

It didn't work that way, right?

But now he wonders, what if that was what people were asking for? Idols were also under the spell of making people happy. Though how about themselves?

That's why he wrote in his journal. To keep track of his days. To not just go through them in waves but to be grounded every day still. To remind himself that he was still on his feet. That he still had control. That his heart could still feel.

He knew the moments of Leon. Just how the older would leave without a trace. With how the food was something tricky with him. With how he would always give past 100% but fears it is still not enough. On the other side, he knew Leon for his teasing ways. For his doting older brother manners. With his ability to deflect all the touches of sarcasm and wits. He loved the duality of you. He loved both sides because Leon made himself as real as he could be. But at the same time as best as he could be. So how could he also hate this side of you? How could he hate it? Well because Leon was an overachiever. He was a perfectionist to himself and Seungmin knew how bad that could be. Yet he could hate that side because, besides all the reasons he stated before, Leon also understood. One glance and he understood.

When Seungmin fell into a bigger role in the group, taking more parts than before, he tried to be fine. He tried to appear and be fine. Yes, he did appear fine but he ignored the other part. So when he was smiling and just laughing there, he couldn't get how Leon was able to read him. How Leon knew not to force a conversation but say minimal words and convince Seungmin to be the one to approach him. How he tried to explain the torn parts of him that night and how Leon was able to fill in the blanks that even he couldn't decipher. How? Why? Well whatever it was, Seungmin knows that Leon is the perfect man for these things.

So now seeing Leon, smiling in front of a mirror in the room by himself broke him. It is because now he could read a bit more. Understand a bit more. Maybe not as much and as quick as Leon but he saw through the older boy this moment. How he practiced his smile. How he made his shoulders appear calmer. How he manipulated his aura. How the older boy rehearsed to be the boy he had to be.

It broke him how he didn't talk then and there to Leon. How he waited. But he knew that he had to wait. Yet sometimes the right times give more time for more injuries. He saw the blood smeared on the older's pockets, which were from his fingers bleeding from playing the guitar. He also saw the bruises on his hyung's knees, and how scraped they were from dancing. He heard the raspiness of his voice when he thought he was alone in the room. He heard the deep breaths he takes in, to compose himself in every moment. Silent but there. Seen but shadowed.