Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

Thursday, June 27th 2013

Dear Journal,

This week in school was hell. I don't know what's happening to me and honestly, I'm trying my best not to freak out.

I thought the sick feelings would have gone away by now, I mean, it's been a week. I'm pretty sure it's not a cold. My throat isn't sore. My nose isn't stuffed. I don't have a fever, or any other symptoms that generally go along with that. It's just...

Man, I don't know. I can't say it, and I can't even write it because I'm afraid people will think I'm just crazy. I'm afraid I am going to think I'm just crazy. But I'm not. Right? I'm not crazy, I can't be. And I'm still hoping writing it all down will prove that. So yeah...

I started to realize what it was after a few days in school. It's not like I'm hearing things. It's just that my head gets very messy when I'm around people. I'm like those old radios: whenever there are too many people around me or close to me, I can just feel their vibes and my own feelings get drowned in theirs.

I was sitting at lunch waiting for Debby - my girlfriend - when Ethan got there. He was looking quite pale as he sat down next to me. One second, I was feeling okay-ish, and the next, I felt like I had bricks weighing on my heart. So I looked up to him and asked what was wrong.

"Oh, nothing much... My mom just called me to say that my hamster just died," he said, looking down at his food and casually playing with his fork in the mashed potatoes.

"I'm sorry, man..." I replied, and I was. I was truly sorry, and my heart tightened in my chest. I was feeling very sad for a hamster I had seen a few times here and there. Hell, I didn't even know its name.

"Dude, it's okay. It's just a hamster" Ethan said nonchalantly.

Then, our other friends started to get there and Ethan was smiling and telling jokes like everything was okay. But whenever I was looking into his eyes, I could tell that he was deeply hurt. I could feel it myself.

I feel other people's pain.

There. I said it. I wrote it.

Hell, I'm crazy.

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I'm sorry this is so short, but sometimes I just can't make Josh's journal entries much longer, especially if I want to alternate past and present chapters.

Talking about that, I'm always afraid people will get confused so here's an explanation: chapters titled by numbers (like ONE, TWO...) are Josh's present in senior year. Chapters titled with a date are Josh's journal entries that start two years before the present. I hope that was understandable from the start but I wanted to clarify things just in case.

Also, I publised a fluffy one shot called "Just This One", that I submitted for Fanfic's Valentine's contest. I'd really like it if you read it and left a comment to tell me what you think of it. Thank you so much for reading my weird fantasies.