Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

FIVE

"Dude, come on!" Tyler yelled, pouting like a kid, "Why won't you let me win?" He flopped down on the bed, quickly shoving his hands behind is head and closing his eyes to avoid Josh's lame victory dance.

The boys were in Josh's bedroom again, but quite some time had passed since the first time they were both here. After that first weekend, they started hanging out basically all the time, so much that Mrs Dun tended to forget that Tyler wasn't actually living here, under her roof. The new best friends spent their time playing video games, or watching movies and tv shows - especially those x-Files marathons late at night - but they also kept time to actually do their homework, or play some basketball outside. 

For the past few weeks, Josh had felt okay. He was okay, at least when Tyler was there. Everything was so much easier when he didn't actually have to carry everyone else's burden on his own shoulders, and Josh had almost forgotten what it was like to live an almost normal life. If it weren't for Tyler, Josh wasn't sure to which lengths he would have gone to make his condition stop. But when he was with his best friend, Josh was just a teenager, and he didn't care about anything other than food and games. 

Sitting down on the bed at Tyler's sides, Josh sighed, looking at his friend. His eyes were still closed, and his eyelashes... Josh had never seen eyelashes that long. In the silence, Tyler smiled. "Stop staring at me," he said mysteriously, and, astonished, Josh hit him in the shoulder before lying down next to him.

"How did you know?" he asked perplexed.

Tyler shrugged. "I have super powers. I can sense it."

Shuffling onto his side, Josh kept looking at him, amused but also a little bit frightened. His heart dropped at the mention of super powers, because, well, Josh thought he had one. A super power that made his life miserable, yes, but some kind of super power nonetheless. For a second, he wondered if Tyler could be telling the truth, but quickly brushed that thought away. Tyler was just kidding.

"I can also hear your thoughts, and I know you think I'm kidding, but I'm not." Tyler suddenly whispered very seriously. 

Josh froze. He didn't know what to think, and for the first time in weeks, his acute empathy took over his mind in Tyler's presence, making his breath accelerate and his heartbeart pace up. Was he making fun of him right there? Had he read his journal somehow? Maybe he'd been fooling him around all this time, and they weren't even friends? Panicking, Josh sat up on the bed, trying to even his breathing. 

Intrigued by the sudden movements at his sides, Tyler finally opened his eyes to witness a panic attack he had never seen in Josh. "Dude, what's going on?" he asked, although he sort of knew the answer already. "Relax, man, I was kidding, you know that, right?"

Josh's eyes shot up, looked into Tyler's for help, for something to hold on to. Smiling reassuringly, Tyler put a friendly hand on his shoulder, forcing him to face him and nothing else. "Dude... It pains me to say this, really, but I have no super powers. I can't read your mind - although you're a pretty open book to read through - and um," he hesitated, then continued, "and no, I'm not able to kill you with my laser eyes either, so chill. Okay?"

Incapable to say anything, feeling pretty dumb about his sudden panic outburst, Josh nodded, sitting more comfortably, cross-legged, in front of his friend. 

"Good?" Tyler asked, worried.

"Yeah," Josh started, embarrassed that he had to make a fool of himself for such a stupid reason. Of course, things would be easier if Tyler knew of his condition, and to be honest, Josh had thought of spilling the beans to him, because he knew, somehow, that Tyler wouldn't make fun of him. He just had never found the right time or the right place to do it. "Yeah, I don't know what took me, sorry... Hey, can I ask you a question?" he asked, wanting to change the subject quickly.

Tyler nodded, and Josh rummaged through his memories to find a question that wouldn't seem too "out-of-the-blue". He had plenty, though, because even though Tyler and him were both very good friends now, Josh felt like he didn't know Tyler that much. His very own being was still a mystery to Josh, and in that moment, he could have asked anything, really. But his mind stopped on the one thing that was still really bothering him to this day.

"Remember that day when it was raining cats and dogs, and you followed me home?" Josh asked, and Tyler nodded, looking away, probably a bit embarrassed. Josh continued. "Why? I mean... Why were you following me? Why did you pretend your house was that way?"

Tyler raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Seriously, Josh? You can ask me anything, and that's the question you choose?"

Josh raised both hands in surrender. Tyler shuffled, putting his cold feet under the bed covers. Finally, after a long pause, he spoke. "I don't really know..." he started, his voice lower than a whisper now, like he was about to say something he was afraid to admit, "I think... I think something in you got me hooked, like..." He put his face in his hands. "I don't know how to say this without sounding creepy and weird, so I apologize in advance, okay? I felt like there was this kind of invisible rope between us, this link that wouldn't go away, even though I didn't know you. All I knew about you was what Debby would tell me and..."

Josh cringed at the name, and Tyler apologized with a half-smile before going on. "I guess I just wanted to be your friend, but you were so... I don't know, I felt like you wouldn't open up that easily, and yeah, following you seemed like a good idea to start off." He stopped, lost in thoughts, then smile wholeheartedly, his voice higher now. "Seems like I wasn't wrong now, was I?"

Josh smiled in return. Actually, Tyler wasn't wrong at all, and Josh had never really been mad at him. How could he? Tyler had brought him a little bit of peace, a little bit of a new life, and pissed off wasn't the right vocabulary choice to describe how Josh felt. Thankful suited better.

"Hey, Tyler, can I tell you something?" Josh asked, suddenly feeling like it was the right time. After all, except for that little lie, Tyler had never been other than sincere with him. His last words were an even better proof of his incomparable honesty: Tyler wasn't afraid to speak the truth about his feelings, and where other boys would be afraid to speak their minds, Tyler consciously spilled his feelings out like they weren't even his to begin with. Like they were meant to be shared. So why couldn't Josh do the same?

"You have to promise you won't make fun of me, all right?" Josh insisted. Tyler rolled his eyes, like he could never do such a thing.

And Josh started. He told him everything. From the 16th birthday party that never happened and the argument with his mother, to the hammers and voices in his head. Josh told Tyler about the feelings that he felt but that weren't his. He told him about how looking in everyone else's eyes was now the most painful act he had to endure. He told him about that word, empathy, that described his condition best. And most importantly, he told him about how fucked up he thought he was, and how that thing had destroyed his entire life in the course of a year.

And Josh hoped. He hoped Tyler would turn out to be as great as Josh made him out to be.