Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

TWENTY THREE

The ride to Cincinnati was mostly silent. Tyler knew Josh needed this time to ponder what had just happened, thus he had took it upon himself to sit down behind the wheel. He had not even dared to make a move for the car radio, because as much as he needed music to avoid confronting the boiling thoughts in his head, he knew that Josh - for now at least - craved the silence to help him declutter his mind. In this moment, his best friend mattered more to Tyler than himself.

Quickly, the boy glanced at Josh from the corner of his eye, although he didn't really need that to understand what was going through his friend's head.

Josh was confused. He had spent the last few years hating his father with every fiber of his being. After all, the man had abandoned his family. He had cheated on his wife with a woman far younger than she was - the age gap only adding fuel to the burning fire of their crumbling relationship. He had left the house, and above all, he had left his own sons under the care of their mother, who had been so devastated by the loss of both her younger daughter and her husband that she wasn't able to stand on her own, let alone look after two teenagers.

Ever since the death of Josh's sister, the man had done nothing even remotely good. He had fled the state to elope with his newfound love, had settled down with her, completely forgetting about the ashes of the family he had left behind.

The man Josh had seen earlier, though, had nothing to do with the careless person that disappeared from his life and left a scar that could probably never heal properly. He seemed at peace with himself, but not entirely complete in a sense.

The girlfriend seemed different too. She didn't have much left of the bimbo Josh had always pictured her like. She wasn't as vulgar as she seemed a few years ago. In all honesty, she seemed like a really laid-back and caring young woman, understanding towards and even interested in her significant other's children.

All in all, Josh felt like an impostor. It seemed like he had spent years looking into a mirror that was far to dark and far too shattered to show an accurate image of the reality. The realisation that maybe, just maybe, he had taken sides in his parents fallout suddenly made him question himself and the vision he had of his surroundings. What if he hadn't been fair? What if he had accused his dad of abandoning him while he was doing just that as well?
Josh had never taken a second to put himself in his dad's shoes when Abby died. Automatically, he had blamed his father, and only him, for the lack of attention that had caused his little sister's death. But it was an accident, he knew that. And he had ostracized his own father just for the sake of having someone to blame for all the sadness that had broken his family apart.

When his dad had finally hugged him, back in his new house, Josh had felt so many contradictory feelings, but above all, he had felt the never-ending love the man had towards not only him, but his siblings and even his mother. And for one second, Josh had been crushed by the pain of a man who had seen his daughter die. This wasn't supposed to be like this. Parents weren't supposed to see the flesh of their flesh disappear, leaving as only trace the impact of their short life upon their hearts, a warm rainbow in an ocean of freezing water.

"You okay, man?"

Josh tilted his head up. He hadn't even realized he had bent over, his forehead almost touching his knees.

"I mean, are you gonna puke or something? Do I need to pull ov-"

"No," Josh interrupted nicely, "don't worry, I'm fine." He heard Tyler sigh with relief and pressed his head against the cold window. He was fine, it was not a lie. He was just a little confused, but he didn't have time for this. Not right now.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Tyler asked still concerned, but Josh simply shook his head.

"It's not like you don't know exactly what I'm thinking anyway, right?" Josh said, a small smile tugging the corner of his lips. "I mean, do I even need to talk in your presence?"