Empathy [Josh Dun - Twenty One Pilots]

THIRTY ØNE

"Josh? Jordan?"

At the sound of his mother's voice, Josh got up from his bed where he had spent the last few hours thinking about his Gift, trying to figure out if he really needed to get rid of it. Welcoming a distraction as his head was now ready to explode, the boy hurried down the stairs to find his mom rushing around in the kitchen, putting away some groceries at such a fast pace it was dizzying. 

"Oh, thank God you're here!" Laura exclaimed as soon as her eyes caught Josh. Still, she continued stuffing the cupboards with snacks and other types of food. "I'm so sorry I'm late, did you get my text? I'm really sorry Josh, I won't have time to get dinner ready but I have some cash in my purse, you and Jordan can order some pizza, what do you think? I'm really s-"

"Mom, if you say you're sorry again I'll cut my ears off!" Josh interrupted, rolling his eyes although he couldn't keep a straight face. At the sound of his voice, Laura turned around, finally closing the cupboard to lay her eyes on him. 

"Are you mad? I know we were supposed to watch that movie together but I completely forgot about my small group meeting and I got caught up in work so I don't have time to make lasagna but we can do it tomorrow and-"

"MOM!" Josh spoke louder to stop the flow of words coming out of his mother's mouth. He had started shaking slightly, Laura's anxiety taking a toll on his own body. Slowly, he approached the nervous lady and took her hands in his, lowering his voice again. "It's fine, mom. I did get your text. Jordan's in his room probably playing video games. It's all good. Take a deep-" Josh inhaled heavily to picture his words, "- breath." He exhaled, his lips breaking into a smile as he saw his mom roll her eyes. 

"Don't mock me," she let out with a giggle, folding the brown paper bag that contained the groceries before stuffing it into a drawer of the kitchen. "Take my purse from my bag, will you?"

"I'm not mocking you," Josh contested, going around the kitchen counter to retrieve the purse in his mom's bag. "You just need to chill, woman."

"Don't call me that," she scolded almost happily as she took the wallet from Josh's hands. She fumbled into it for a second, finally getting out some cash that she spread on the counter. "Should be enough to get us all pizza, don't you think? Do you want me to call? I know you don't like phone calls and-"

"Mother, please. You're making me anxious." Josh blurted out. And it was true, oh so true. If only she knew. Josh had plunged his hands in the pockets of his jeans to prevent more shaking, and he felt exhausted, just like his mom. He could see the dark circles under her eyes, and the breath that she constantly held for her two sons, and although his dad had been back in the picture for a while now, Josh knew his mom was still working hard to make ends meet. It suddenly dawned on Josh that his previous behavior had certainly been a major factor in his mom's current state of constant anxiety, and he felt guilty enough about it. "You know what? Go upstairs, take a bath or whatever you do to relax, and I'll take care of dinner. Plus, there's this thing called the internet now, where you can order whatever you want, including pizza, zhile avoiding any social interaction. How crazy is that, huh?"

Laura stood there an instant, speechless, looking at her son like he was someone else. Josh raised an eyebrow, insisting that he could handle it, before she finally nodded with a smile and turned towards the stairs.

"Mom?" Josh stopped her when Laura set her hand on the handrail. The woman stopped, a foot on the first step, turning around enough to stare at her son. "Thanks, y'know," Josh looked down, almost ashamed at the words coming out of his mouth, "for working so hard for us."

Josh didn't know why exactly he had felt the need to say this. It just rolled off his tongue like something burning him that he needed to get rid off. His mom sighed, a smile now spreading across her face, so big that her teeth were shedding a light in the room. She dropped the handrail, turning around and towards her son. She reached him in a few steps and placed both of her hands on his cheeks. "What has gotten into you, lately?" she asked in a gentle tone, and her hands were warm against Josh's skin, so warm it touched his heart.