Her Sentinel

Chapter 18: Learn

Gerry...

Sitting on the floor, here in the nursery, I feel like this was mission accomplished, and I learned a lot. Nate admitted his fears to Kay. And now they were so much better for it. As I listened to him unload it all, I was shocked. Deep down I knew he had something to share, but that was surprising. To think, all this time, he was worried about being strong for her and passing on a birth defect?

What birth defect?

It took everything I had to get him to talk. Listening to Kaylee crying in this room, I watched him suffering on the other side of that door. He needed to do something, but I could not get him to enter.

Turning around, he grabbed his keys and walked out of the house. I did not know what he planned to do. As we drove, I just stared at him and I was at a loss.

When Nate pulled into the local hardware store, and not the bar next door, I felt a sigh of relief.

Searching through the colors, he was very specific about which ones to choose. I sat back and just watched him. He cared, but I had no idea why he started that fight. The baby will be here in just over a month. What was Kay supposed to do? I totally agreed with her.

On the drive home, I looked at all the bright colors and knew we were getting somewhere. But he still needed to open up.

As the radio rambled on about the news, I screamed in frustration, "Play some freaking music, man!"

He ignored me, or so I thought.

Sitting in the truck, I kept talking to him, but he just stared at the road. I had no idea if he could even hear me, but I was not giving up.

That's when I saw a single tear trickle down his cheek.

"Show her you care. Open up to your wife. Talk to her!" I shouted, but he wiped that tear away and we were home.

After he brought in the last gallon of paint and sat it by the door, Nate turned away. He walked into the living room and flopped down on the couch to watch TV. Flipping through the channels, I was so angry with him for not going in there.

Did he go through all of this just to walk away? Does he not know his wife was in pain? Could he not hear her crying? What is wrong with this guy?

Fury filled me up inside. I was so angry with him that he would ignore her pain. How could any husband let his wife down that way? And then it hit me...

At that moment, I flashed to the hospital room and saw the look of anguish in Kim's eyes when I chose the girl's names.

The pain was so clear, but I chose not to see it. She knew right then that I was not over Kay, but I ignored her pain. Here she had just given birth to my little miracles, and I completely gutted her. Yes, I was upset about losing my mother, but it was wrong. My daughters were all I had in the end, and again I was selfish. All that mattered were my feelings and my pain...

Standing in front of Nate, I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Go Talk to Her! Be honest. She's hurting. Make her hear you, no matter what the cost."

At that moment, I learned how to get him moving, because he stood right up and went to that nursery room door. Standing there, we could hear her sobs and I wanted to hit this guy.

"GO IN THERE!" I shouted.

He put his hand on the door and shook his head. So I thought Nate was going to walk away, but then he knocked.

Looking around this room, I see it now...

Kim needed me to be strong, but I was mad. She was only 18 years old, and I got her pregnant, then blamed her for ruining my life. Kim was scared, and I was angry. My wife needed a partner, but I wanted Kaylee. What a fool I was to deny her my love, or to at least care about her feelings. Yes, she was known for being a bitch, yet I still slept with her. No, I did not love Kim, but I married her. She gave me everything as I lied to her and myself. My wife may have taken our children away, but I had already abandoned my family. She didn't kill me... I did.