Her Sentinel

Chapter 10: Feel Me

Kay...

Sitting in my car, this weight is on my shoulders and I try to ignore the pain, but it returns. There are fleeting moments when it's gone, but then, almost like an itch, it's back. While sitting at the light, I dig through Nate's CDs and find the one I want. Normally, I'd turn it off, or try to ignore the song when it came on the radio, but I need to hear it today.

Patience, Guns, and Roses...

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you

I'm still alright to smile

Girl, I think about you every day now...

"Nope, can't do it," I say and eject the CD.

Pulling off to the side of the road, I break down and cry.

I shout out, "Why couldn't I just be with him? Maybe if I had, we would be together right now? I'd have two little girls and a man who adores me. Is God punishing me because I made the wrong choice? Gerry would still be alive, I would have children... Oh God, did I mess up?"

Suddenly the radio come to life and I hear

Aqualung, Jethro Tull...

Feeling alone, the army's up the road

Salvation a la mode and a cup of tea

Aqualung, my friend, don't you start away uneasy

You poor old sod, you see, it's only me

Turning the radio down, I slowly turn and say, "Gerry, are you here with me?"

Looking in the rearview mirror, I half expect to see him sitting there, singing the song, but he's not.

Gerry isn't here. It was just a coincidence.

"Jesus Kay, get it together!" I scold myself.

Getting back on the road, I keep driving and try to think happy thoughts.

I'd love to go an entire day without crying and it will happen... Someday.

Stopping at a red light, I look around and see a woman walking down the road with her kids.

She has twin girls, how nice... Jesus!

Turning the corner, I continue on and just keep heading to work.

It's going to be a beautiful day and there isn't a cloud in the sky. The sun is shining and everything is going to be okay. Sure, now I'm just lying to myself.

Pulling into my parking spot, I hop out and walk into work. It's going to be a busy day, but that is a good thing.

Less time to think.

Sitting at my desk, Franny asks, "What are we doing for lunch today? Salad, or are we going to be bad?"

"Hmm, bad sounds good to me. What's the plan?" I ask.

She looks at me and says, "Burgers, fries, and chocolate shakes... Your thoughts?"

"Definitely, I'm totally on board with that plan, girl," I say, and we giggle.

Thank God for Franny.

Dr. White comes walking into our area and asks, "What are you two up to?"

I reply, "Burgers, fries, and chocolate shakes."

"Count me in and I'll buy if you fly." He states and we laugh.

The doctor adds, "Perfect, I wasn't going to get a lunch today. After I finish up here, I have to deliver 2 babies. Mrs. Thompson is having twins! Thank you, Kay."