𝐜𝐲𝐚𝐫𝐞'𝐬𝐞 - 𝘥𝘪𝘯 𝘥𝘫𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯

Nothing So Perfect

nothing so perfect • fem!reader
You and Din think that you're adding on to your family, only to learn there's been a mistake—and now you're both left to cope with the loss you never expected.

—§—

You'd close your eyes if the darkness wasn't already consuming you. It's a pain worse than any blaster shot you've taken whilst working as a part of the Crest's crew. It's the feeling of your last flame of hope being snuffed out in an unforeseeable moment. It's a strong sense of guilt and responsibility that falls heavily on your shoulders.

It's a loss. But you're not sure why you're grieving something you never had in the first place.

You'd been so sure before, and the test you'd taken had proven it. You'd had your curiosities and everything had just... lined up. Perfectly. Too perfectly. You should've known. You should've known when you picked up the child that day, kissing his head with your bright smile and watching him look at you with puzzlement as he placed his hand on your stomach and didn't show any signs of excitement. You should've known the child hadn't felt any life within you and you should've believed him.

If only you'd believed him.

But, oh, there was no feeling quite like the joy in that month where you let yourself live a lie. You'd coordinated everything to tell your riduur so well, even getting the child in on it. The child had picked four flowers on the pastoral plant where you were stretching your legs, handing them to Din as he looked at them with confusion.

"There's four flowers," you'd explained to him. "One for each of us."

"But, there's only three..." Din had started to say, but he'd trailed off and even with the helmet still on, you could see him realizing what you were hinting at. "Cyar'ika? Is it—are you—...?" Din had stopped again as he took a step closer to you, his gloved hands settling on both sides of your stomach as you nodded at him.

And that next moment when he'd torn his helmet off and tossed it in the grassy field, you'd never seen him happier. His chestnut eyes were glowing with warmth and shining with tears of joy as he'd pulled you close and buried his face in your hair, lavishing you with sweet nothings of excitement for your future and thanking you for adding to his clan—your clan. He'd only pulled away to kiss you with such passion it took your breath away, his hands cradling your face in a manner so tender and gentle that you could feel your heart melting in your chest. To this day, you still haven't forgotten the feeling of that kiss, the blending of such love and joy in one display of affection.

You wish you could cling to that, now.

The month had gone on and you'd both continued living in your fantasy together. You spent many nights laying in each other's arms musing about the life you thought was soon to come, the newest addition to your clan.

"I think it's going to a boy," you'd whispered to Din, mindlessly brushing your hand through his hair as you laid on his chest. "He'll be a warrior, just like you."

Din had chuckled softly at that, his hands tightening their hold around you. "No, cyare, it's going to be a little girl. Our own princess." He'd kissed your head before going on. "But she'll still be a warrior—cuun verd'ika." One of Din's hands rises to your chin to lift it, forcing you to face him as he smiles at you. "Just like you." The kiss he'd given you after those words was so soft and sweet that it was barely tangible, and you'd indulged in every sensation and feeling of it.

You were both so happy, then. It felt like all the tribulations you'd gone through with the child and hunters and being chased by the Empire had been more than worth it just for this one source of joy, this new addition to your clan. Din had an extra skip in his step, a hand that always reached for yours, a heart that he wore on his sleeve. You were the same way, lavishing the child you already had with even more kisses, sitting in Din's arms for hours on end, pressing kisses to the cold metal of his beskar helmet when he couldn't take it off just yet. Everything had felt perfect.