Porcelain, I'll be the greatest fan of your life (Marianas Trench Fanfic)

Chapter 10 - She means NOTHING to me...

OK THIS IS NOT EDITED. SORRY ! I WILL TRY TO EDIT IT ASAP ! :) ENJOY !

Josh

When I woke up, I put a sweater, a pair of jeans and I went to Matt. I texted him that I would come. We had to talk about what happened last night. 10 minutes later, I arrived at his home. I parked my car and I came inside. He tried to speak but I immediately stopped him.

'' I'm not here for your apology. I know you were drunk yesterday ok. But it was too far. Matt, you're my best friend since forever. I've already saw you drunk ... but I've never saw you do such thing or say such words. I'll do like nothing happened... for the band ... for the fans ... But my friendship with you, let’s say we're going to take a break’' I had difficulty speaking, leaving a few tears in my words. I looked into Matt's eyes and I saw the tears streaming down his face.

'' Josh, no ... please. I did not mean to do that. '' He said, sobbing.

'' But you did it ...'' I said, roughly.

I looked at him one last time while I went to the door. I walked to my car and I left. I felt the same rage rising in me, like last night. I panicked. I needed to calm down and there was only one solution. I drove until I find a liquor store. I couldn’t trust anyone. My ex best friend went with Amanda, and now Matt. I bought a big bottle of vodka and I got into my car. It's been almost 10 years since I was clean. Self destruction was coming back inside of me. I drove to a beach near my home and I parked. I walked down the beach with my bottle of vodka in hand. I sat on the sand. I looked at my phone: 5 texts from Ashley and 1 missed call. I haven’t told her where i was so i decided to text her that i had something to do.

After closing my phone, I started to drink... And think... And drink... I was alone on the beach. When the sun went down, I got up and I started walking. I walked to a bar. I went to sit and I ordered something to drink, because I had no more vodka. When the bartender gave me my drink, a woman sat next to me. I looked. God, it was Amanda... why ??

''What’s going on Josh? You drink? Since when?''

'' My life is a mess.'' I said, feeling my head spinning.

'' What happened? I thought you were clean for long?''

'' Matt ... He's an asshole. He kissed Ashley, he was drunk and he told me that without him I would be dead and that i'm nothing without him''

'' Josh ... you don’t need to drink to make it feel better. You will make things even worst''

'' You don’t understand Amanda. Nobody loves me. Even you, you chose Keven. And now Ashley will want to be with Matt.''

'' I know Keven was your best friend but it doesn’t mean that Matt will do the same thing. He was drunk'' She put her hand on my shoulder. '' Josh, stop this... You're such a perfect person. Move on from that ... Please, do not destroy yourself again''

I was so emotional at that moment that I did something that I shouldn’t have: I leaned and I put my lips on hers. For a second, flashbacks of my past went back. Me and her, being happy...  It took only seconds before she pushes me. She looked shocked.

'JOSH! Why did you do that? You're with Ashley! She does not deserve that!'' She looked around, trying to recover.

'' Sorry ... I was too much in the moment. This kiss meant nothing ok.'' When I said that, she looked disappointed.

'' Do you want me to bring you home?''

'' Yes, please''

I told her that my car was parked at the beach. We walked to get my car and we drove home.

Ashley

I waited for hours for Josh. I was worried. He was not here all day. While I was surfing on the internet, I heard a car arrived. I went outside, it was Josh ... but with someone else. Amanda?

‘’Oh, hey...’’  I Said, a little bit shocked, when they came in front of the door.

'' He was at the bar, drunk and I decided to bring him back before he do something wrong. ''

'' Drunk? Josh, what the fuck?''

'' Sorry Ashley, I'll explain'' He went into the apartment.

'' Well, thank you Amanda. I'll take care of him now.''

'' No problem. I hope he will be ok. He told me what happened.'' Why Josh talked about this with her?

'' Oh .. Well, thank you. Bye then.''

She understood that I wanted her to leave. She smiled stupidly and left. I closed the door and I saw Josh sitting on the sofa. I sat next to him and I looked straight into his eyes.

'' What happened today Josh?’’ I put my hand on hers.

'' I'm sorry Ashley. I went to see Matt ... I told him that for the moment; I have to be away from him. And then I panicked. I drank ... and drank ... and I felt good... But I panicked. At the bar, I saw ... Amanda. She talked to me and she saw that I was not going well. I'm so sorry Ashley.''

I put my hands around him and gave him a little kiss on the cheek.

'' It's ok Josh. It's okay. I was worried about you but now you're here and everything is ok. And you know what? Tomorrow is my interview! Everything will be fine and I will enter the academy and I'll be here with you all the time. And you will not feel like that again. It's okay. ''

‘’No Ashley, it’s not okay...’’

'' Why?''

'' Tonight, I did something wrong. I regret every second. But you know, I was drunk and...''

'' What did you do?''

'' I kissed ... ... Amanda.''

'' YOU DID WHAT!?'' I held my head with my hands while my tears began to stream down my face. What’s going on here?

'' Ashley! It meant nothing! I just wanted to be honest with you! It meant nothing at all! And you know it! You know it’s you that I love.''

I sighed, with sobs ‘’Josh, I...’’’. He put his hand over my mouth

'' Please, stop. I'd do anything for you to believe me. You're the only woman that I truly loved in my life'' I could see that there were tears flowing. He took my hands and I guess that I believed him... So I kissed him.

'' Go wash and come to bed. Tomorrow will be better ok?’’  I told him.

'' You are my true love Ashley. Never forget that.''

I smiled a little. Tomorrow will be better...