Playing Dirty

Thirty Four

Sam wanted to feel reassured by Ryan's words, but deep down, she was shaken back into rude reality.

She had been deluding herself all this while. But now, it was time to face the truth.

It had been so easy to fall for the idea of mingling work and pleasure that she had ignored everything she knew about the dangers of sex in the workplace and all she stood to lose.

Her career, her reputation.

The scene in Bradford's office had brought back all that in startling clarity.

What if Bradford decides to investigate further and finds out the truth? A chill ran over her skin, causing goosebumps as she considered the consequences.

Her work and commendations about the Projects department and Ryan in particular would be called into question. She'd be accused of working under the influence of a romantic attachment and discredited.

At best, even if she somehow managed to keep her job, her reputation would be in bits. At worst…

She was off the sofa in a shot and resumed her frantic pacing, mind going into overdrive. Her temples throbbed with each step

"Sam - "

"We have to stop."

She turned to Ryan, decision made. He looked startled, grey eyes snapping up to meet hers.

The silence hummed between them for a long moment.

Then he sighed and stood, turning away to cross over to the window, hands thrust in his pockets, tension oozing from every pore.

She waited for him to say something, but he stood silent, gazing absently at the skyline.

"We can't keep sneaking around like this." She said, more to break the lingering silence than a need for further explanation. "If Bradford should ever find out the truth, I could lose my job."

He slammed a hand on the glass and swore, a muscle working in his jaw. "That's not going to happen. I won't let it happen."

"Ryan, I can't take that risk." She forced down a bubble of hysteria and swallowed. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. My...my career means a lot to me and...I can't."

The anger seemed to flow out of him.

"I know," he agreed in a quiet tone. He turned his head to look at her, pained certainty in his expression. "Believe me, Sam, I know just how much of a fucking mess this could turn out to be. I wish we didn't have to come to this point, but…"

Warm, large hands cupped her face, gently lifting her gaze to his. There was such a wealth of tenderness in his eyes that she longed to sink into him, wrap herself in it, and let the present float away like a bad dream.

"I don't want to let you go, Sam." He rasped, "These past few weeks with you have been amazing and fuck knows how hard it's going to be without you."

The admission rocked through Sam, bringing equal parts joy and misery. It was exhilarating to know he felt the exact same way she did.

Not for the first time, longing blazed through her body; how she wished they'd met under different circumstances, that being with him didn't threaten her job and career, that they could just have a relationship without the need to sneak around.