Playing Dirty

Six

Sam felt Ryan's grip on her arm go slack and he let her go a second later. The breath she hadn't been conscious of holding all this while slipped past her lips and nostrils in a rush and she took a step back, then another, needing to put space between herself and this disconcerting man.

Sam silently gave thanks to Lola for the distraction that had brought the conversation that had been rapidly spiraling into unwanted territory to a halt. The thought of her fiancé had nearly brought the dam she'd put in place to hold back painful memories crashing down around her ears, and goodness only knew what would have happened if Ryan had pried that information from her.

"I should go," her voice sliced the silence in half. "I need to get some things sorted before the day ends."

What things, she had no idea. All Sam knew was she had to get away from the room.

Ryan had been looking in Lola's direction, a frown on his face, but at Sam's words, he turned his attention back to her. His gaze flicked to her hands and back, and his mouth twisted, expression as shuttered as hers had been a few minutes ago.

Taking his silence as assent, Sam turned to leave, edging past Lola who had recovered enough to aim a frosty glare her way. Sam ignored the looks and let her legs carry her past the doors and all the way to her own office.

She shut her door and leaned against it, resting her head on the wood surface. Her pulse, which had been racing from the moment Ryan had stepped out his bathroom, finally began to calm down, leaving her emotionally winded.

This insanity seriously needed to stop. Sam chided silently. Yes, insanity. What else was she supposed to call this irrational need to do things with him, that fired up her imagination into overdrive. What else could she call this crazy urge to throw caution and resolution to the wind, grab Ryan by that silk tie, and kiss him before letting him do all sorts of wild things to her.

Things I had never done with Zahir.

The thought of her ex brought its usual onslaught of guilt, pain and grief, killing every lustful thoughts. Feelings that hadn't faded with the passing of time, now intensified as her conscience judged her for lusting after another man, for being so unfaithful to the memory of the man she'd loved and lost.

Her eyes smarted with the sting of tears as Zahir's face swam in her mind's eye, with same expression he'd been wearing the last time she'd laid eyes on him - hurt, anger as he reacted to the harsh words she'd flung at him, the last words she would ever say to him.

Words he hadn't deserved. Those same words now echoed in her brain, each syllable peeling away healing scabs until the wound was as fresh as that horrible day.

Her phone buzzed, pulling Sam from the black hole she'd plunged into. She forced her eyes open, mouth falling open in a gasp, sucking in lungfuls of air. Straightening, she crossed to her desk, where her phone danced across the polished surface, an email notification lighting up the screen.

A peremptory knock sounded on her door and Jane bustled in, a look of relief on her face as she caught sight of Sam.

"There you are! I checked in earlier, but you weren't here." She didn't give Sam enough time to reply, but soldiered on. "The meeting's about to start, and Ryan hates it when someone comes in after he does."

Grateful for the distraction, Sam took a moment to put her thoughts together, shoving unwanted memories back where they belonged and tried to make sense of her assistant's words.

"What meeting?" She followed Jane, quickening her steps to match the other woman. They passed Ryan's door, which was mercifully shut and entered the work floor. The bustle of earlier was gone, not a soul to be seen save for the two women.