"Who the fuck are you?" said the boy.
"Who the fuck are you?" countered Faith.
"I asked first."
"And I asked second."
There was a tense silence. And thenㅡ "James! There's a girl in your living room!"
***
When Faith Potter gets expelled from Beauxbat...
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dear remus
fucking help me oh my god
yours ever-crying,
faith
***
Dear Faith,
It's 3 in the morning. Your owl has broken through my window. I've just received an ominous message with no explanation.
Are you okay? What happened?
Did Sirius or James do something?
Please do reply to me as soon as you can. My mother is trying to wrestle your owl and I think she's winning. I don't want to see the carnage.
Yours and ever confused,
Remus.
***
Remus,
First of all you must be God or something because you got it right in one go. But before that I would like to apologise for sending my... note without any explanation. I wasn't meant to, but Shithead thought me collapsing over my desk meant I was finished writing my letter and she took off without warning. I don't even know why I wrote to you. Maybe because James started howling downstairs and you were the only one I could think of at the time.
As for why I've written to you: Sirius has absolutely BEFOULED me. I am DEFILED. Besmirched.
He has shattered my poor maiden heart and now I can't ever get married, and our children will be paraded as outcasts in the streets because their mother is a disgrace.
What will our kids do, Remus? I can't support them any longer. As their father you're just going to have to take one for the team and murder me. I won't even blame you for it. I'll leave a note for the Aurors to write it off as a suicide or something. In any case, I crave death and I crave it by your hands.
Don't forget me. Tell our children I love them. Also tell your mother she's a fucking champ, because not once have I won against that damn fiend.
Yours desperately,
Faith.
***
Remus usually knew what was going on around him. He knew when certain people were feeling down and would go out of his way to offer them some chocolate, and he knew what was happening in History of Magic, for example, because he would be one of the only ones awake (most of the time). He even figured out why Sirius and Faith were going to be "fake-dating" before they had calmed James down enough for the two to explain, who had started screaming either excitedly or angrily, no one could tell, but he was smart enough to do it because he was an observer, a reader, and a thinker.
