Can I Hear You Now?

20.6.13

(Please read the A/N at the end)

20.6

Dear diary.

I'm kind of scared. James came over yesterday, its been ages since he's been over and I saw him and I was happy about that. When he came over he said he missed me and I said it back because it would be rude to say I didn't. But ever since he kissed me I haven't liked him. He only came over because he called and mum was happy he was still my friend and I felt like I had to say he could come over.

I have my period right now, I had it yesterday too, so I might be over reacting but I don't think I am.

He asked me, because he saw my training bra on my bed, if he could see my boobs. I didn't want to show him but he got really scary when I said no so I did. He wanted to touch them too but then mum said lunch was ready and he had to leave me alone. He tried talking me into letting him touch them after lunch but I pretended my hearing was gone so he would stop it, but he didn't.

They're not even very big. Not like Mums or Aunty's. Mine are really small, but Mum says they'll get bigger. She says that my real mum had small ones, so mine won't be too big, but she said I should be happy about that. It means I won't have trouble bra shopping and that I can go without a bra sometimes and get away with it.

I'm not going to if it means boys like James will want to touch them.

James wanted to stay the night, but I think Mum knew I didn't want him to because I made a face when he asked her. I think Mum thinks I just don't want to share my bed with a boy. We don't have anywhere else for my friends to sleep.

I don't want to tell Mum, but if I don't she'll just keep inviting him over when he asks. And because I did what he told me to, he's going to keep asking. I wish I didn't let him look at them. I feel yuck.

-Tonya

(A/N this was entirely spontaneous, but I do think there's a good message in that.

My brother was bullied into dacking himself in front of the school one time (dacking-pulling his pants down) and he came home crying and slightly traumatized. Those boys were given suspensions.

So people, and this goes for both the boys and the girls, young and older, if someone tells you to do something you don't feel comfortable with, don't do it. If you do, and as well as if you don't, make sure you tell someone. Don't let it go unpunished because that person will just come back and do it again (possibly something worse)or turn their attention to someone else and do the same thing. Which is so not fair to you, or the next person they decide to bully.

If someone touches you inappropriately or talks to you inappropriately, or does what happens in this entry or what happened to my brother, that is sexual harassment. It is a crime. (The boys didn't get a harsher penalty than suspension because they were only in grade six. Not exactly juvie material.)

If you see someone behaving inappropriately, report it. Please.

That is all.)