Shirabu needs a fake date to prove he's not still in love with his ex.
Cliqué i know.
But what else was he supposed to do? And it's not like he, or anyone else, knew the consequences of that.
~
"Semi... are you mad at me?"
"...No."
"Don't lie to...
Yo. It's been a month but i'm here. I'm crazy busy with college n mental health is 👎👎👎 but all is good:
Shirabu's POV:
"I just... want to know how you feel." Semi finished. Despite the fact he wasn't looking at me, I don't look away because if i did that would seem like i'm shutting him off. And that the very last thing Semi needed. I hadn't spoken in a while, and i knew i had to. I couldn't keep doing this to him... hurting him just so he doesn't hurt me... hurting him because i feel the need to assume the worse in someone because of... him. Koji would have never done that.. Koji would have never sacrificed his happiness just for mine. This is a guy who genuinely gives a shit about me, and i'm hurting him.. i'm destroying any chance i could've had. I'm destroying every chance i wish would've taken. I would do anything to turn back time and set it straight. To just tell Semi the truth.
But that's the stupid thing. What is the truth? How do i put the truth into words? How do i tell a guy i want to be with him but i'm terrified to admit it. I'm terrified of reliving an experience i don't even remember. "I don't know, Semi.."
"Well.. Then i don't think it's a good idea for you to continue living here." For the first time in a while, he looked up at me. His eyes watering, obviously trying his best not to cry.
Just seeing him like this... It felt like an dagger impaling my heart. "Semi, I-!" I stop and have to recompose myself. Raising my voice, even if it's out of panic, isn't the best thing to do right now. "Please-" I suddenly get deja vu from the very first time i cried in front of Semi. When i told him Koji cheated on me. When Semi reached out for me and i shot him down. I lift a hand to his face, cupping his cheek. He doesn't pull away so i take an extra step and lean my forehead on his. Tears still fall from Semi's eyes.
"What.. what are you doing, Shirabu? This isn't helping, you know."
"I'm sorry." I clench my eyes close. I felt like i was about to cry but didn't feel worthy enough to do so. Knowing Semi, he'd get all panicked and try comfort me when he's the person who should be comforted. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything, Semi. I am." No reply.. just quiet sniffles. "I'm sorry for giving you mix signals. I'm sorry for comparing you to.. him. You're nothing like him! He's an awful, awful jackass and you're... perfect. I know that now." I used my thumb to softly wipe away the tears that continued to slowly fall. It doesn't really work but i hope the action makes my words sound as sincere as they are. "And i'm especially sorry for hurting you, i didn't realise how.. wrong i was."
"Then what are you doing right now?" He wrapped his hand around my wrist, making me let go of his face.
"Did- did i fuck up so much? That i don't get another chance?"
"Another chance for what, Shirabu?"
I open my mouth but my words get caught in my throat. Because the words i was about to say... made me realise something. Made me realise that i was completely certain what i wanted. I'm over the mixed signals. I'm over the fear. I just want... "For us? I'm done with playing around. Let me show you what i really want, Semi." My voice was shaky as i forced the words out, i wasn't sacred in my opinion but actually voicing them was terrifying. I didn't get a reply in return, no words, no looks, no movement. He just sat there, his head leaned against mine still. I sighed, "Please..?"
"...Okay. One chance... one chance and if you fuck it up, Shirabu, i'm done."
"That's fair." I lift my head from his, making eye contact with him quickly. His eyes were red and his eye lashes wet from the tears. "I want this." I touch the back of his neck and i'm visibly shaking, as if the rest of my body as i bring my self forward one more time to connect my lips with Semi's. He hardly kissed back, i don't think either of us are capable of forming an actual kiss right now. Being so weak it only lasted three seconds at the most. "Only this." I add.
"Tell me.. how you feel.. words. Because i really like you shirabu, and at this point i don't know what a kiss means from you."
"Okay.. yeah. No, i get that.. I.." I take a deep breath and slowly exhale, "I never meant to hurt you.. It's going to take me some time to forgive myself for that. I was just.. i was scared. So much so that each time i kissed you i had to make up a shitty excuse to convince both you and myself that it was nothing.. because the shit i've put up with... i don't want to sink so low again.. The point is i really like you too. But i've been such a dick to you that i didn't think you would ever-" I was suddenly shut up, a pair or lips crashed onto mine mid sentence. My eyes widen from the sudden kiss and everything stops working. My brain, my ability to think, my ability to move. He pulls away. "What- what was that for?"
"To make you shut up." He sort of chuckled which was broken from his sore throat. "You don't need to say anything else.."
"I- i do.. i need to explain.. i've been awf-" Yet again, i was shut up by the same pair of lips.
"You don't need to explain anymore. I just need you to promise, this is what you want, right? Me and you?" Not daring to open my mouth, i nodded my head yes. Me and you Me and him For real this time Semi weakly smiled at me, resting his forehead back on mine as he let out a sigh of relief.
"So.." He spoke. "Shirabu really likes me huh?" And back to semi he goes.
"Shut up.. your confession was lame." ... "But yes. I really do."
"Lame? Wow." He lightly chuckles as if he wasn't crying just five minutes ago. It might not have been a long time, but Jesus christ i fucking missed him. A small smile appears on my face and i wouldn't of been able to fight it off even if i wanted to. "You're adorable.." He whispered.
"Yeah, it's my specialty."
"Is this what it's gonna be like dating you?"
"Basically.. yes." I replied with a giggle i couldn't hold in.
"You've still got a beautiful laugh~"
~~ [A/n: Well finally. Ps, this isn't the end. ]
during the time i've been gone i wrote and published a oneshot on AO3 that i think u should read 🙂🙂🙂
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if you love Kuroo and Makki then i recommend this.
Making Kuroo and Terushima roommates is possibly the best thing i've ever created.
