Taste in men! Semishira

Chapter 10

Shirabu's POV:

Having to force myself out of bed into school was a terrible idea.
I hardly got any sleep, i looked like a fucking mess and i didn't want to see anyone.

Somehow literally everyone in my school had seen his story. Tendou said it was shared around but.. Koji is in a whole different school and it was only a few hours since he put it on there... how did everyone see it so damn fucking fast?!
I have no idea how.

I haven't even talked to Koji since, i've been ignoring his calls, his messages. I haven't even dared to read the messages. I cant imange what they say. 'Hi i'm sorry i publicly objectified then fucked you. Wanna hang?'. I just keep deleting each message so i don't get tempted and make everything much worse.

I don't want to talk to him. See him. Be near him. I wanted him gone. Gone from the world and gone from my fucking head. Gone. He should be Gone. That's how it was supposed to work! I finally find out who he is and then he can leave my mind be!

I hate myself for ever wanting him.
Why couldn't i see that before?

I stood outside the gym, i could hear the rest of my team chatting and the sound of volleyballs hitting the gym floor. I take a deep breath, mentally and physically preparing myself, and pushed open the gym doors.
Then... a pin dropped. And everyone heard it. The gym fell completely silent the moment i show my face. Because everyone knew. Everyone's eyes were on me.

There's that look.
Look of sympathy.

I swung my head low as if that was going to make me diapers and everyone would act natural again.
I should have really skipped practice.
I hate this.
And what i hate even more was Semi, or all people, walking up to me.
"Hey shira-"

"Don't."
He was the last person here i wanted to see. He knew everything. He knows i'm week now. A push over. An embarrassment. A slut. A literal number.

"Don't.. what?"
I dare look up at him. His voice was quiet and even quite calming. But i was petrified that i'd look up and he's smiling at me. Because he's taking so my joy out of this. Out of me.

"Don't everything." I mumble but the gym was quiet enough for everyone to hear me. "Don't look at me like that, like everyone else. Don't pretend you care. Don't feel sorry for me!" I couldn't even control my temper, one minuet in i had already lost it at Semi. I guess it doesn't matter what everyone thinks now. I guess i don't really have much pride to spare.

It was when i finally looked up i realise Semi isn't smirking or teasing or mocking. In fact, i couldn't tell what the hell Semi was thinking. Unlike everyone else who looked both shocked but still had that sympathetic look..  Semi was... unreadable.

I leave the gym. I couldn't and wouldn't deal with this. I needed some time.

Semi's POV

"I'm... i'm going to see if he's okay." I announced, following shirabu before anyone gets the chance to reply or at least before anyone gets the chance to discuss what the hell just happened. I don't know how i'd act just standing here listening to people talk about Shirabu when i knew what actually happened.

"I don't think-" Goshiki's voice was cut off my the doors closing behind me.

I see Shirabu running towards the clubroom. I followed, and i knew he didn't want to see me right now. But i just couldn't seem to care... i wasn't so sure what i felt towards Shirabu or this situation to be honest.
I'd finally reached my destination, i opened the door to see Shirabu's head buried into his lap.

"You know, i don't feel sorry for you." I spoke, grabbing his attention immediately. He glared at me, which didn't seem so threatening as usual due to his red eyes and tear stained cheeks. So he's been crying... that makes my heart clench somehow...
Like my brain is telling me 'you know what, fuck shirabu! he doesn't need my pity' and then my body is telling me 'i need to make him feel better. i want to make him happy'. And i hated it.

It hurt. To see him like this.
But apparently that wasn't enough to stop me from continue talking.
"It is your fault after all."

"What are trying to say Semi?!" He said through sniffles and a broken voice.

"That you have a shit taste in men. That Koji guy, he used you. Then he used that Tomo guy, then you again. But you still fucking went with him."

"What do you know!?"

"I know enough! I know that when someone cheats on you you're not supposed to fuck them! I know that the look you had when you were with him was not the look of love. More like a sad, desperate attempt at hiding something. It's like you just want to be loved. You want to be in love!' My voice is raised and if there were anyone around they'd probably be able to hear us. But i wasn't going to think about that. I wasn't going to leave until i've said what i've wanted to say. Shirabu has treated me like shit and the least i can have is a moment to express my opinion. Shirabu opens his mouth to reply but i quickly cut him off, "I've seen you around him, Shirabu. Why are you even doing this to yourself!?"

"You can't just say that as if you fucking know me!" He practically screams back at me. "You don't. And you don't understand the situation, either. Just because you know a slither of the fucking thing doesn't mean you're an expert!"

"Then tell me!" I put my hands in the air and almost laugh. You know that thing where you're so angry it just gets pathetically funny? "Tell me the truth. What is it about about this guy that you love so much you're just gonna let him use you?"

"I'm not letting him use-"

"Answer the question." I interrupted him.

I was mad at Shirabu for treating me like shit then and even now when i'm trying to help him.
I was mad at Koji for being a thoughtless, hysterical jackass.
And finally, 
I was mad at myself.

"What do you want me to say semi?!"

"Nothing, i want you to stop pretending like everyone doesn't care about you. I want you to stop hurting yourself like this! Don't you see that i fucking care!? I wouldn't have gone on that date if i didn't. I just don't want you getting hurt by a dickhead!"

Shirabu just stared. He didn't say a word, the only thing that could be heard in the clubroom was our heavy breathing and Shirabu's sniffling.
"It's not like i can say much. My taste in men is pretty shit too." I mumbled.
"He's a right dickhead."

~~
[A/n: :))))))))))))))))))))))) ]

edit; so i've been changing the story a little bit to yk
add more angst
so now it just seems like semi is being a total asshole bc shirabu is literally going through abuse rn but- Oh well, Semi doesn't know that. let's pretend like everything is fine]