Zindagi Gulzar hai - Life is a Flower Garden

13 December - Kashaf

(I am thinking about changing the name to only "Zindagi Gulzar Hai" )

I don't know why I am unable to control myself sometimes. I wish I could have because I'm one of those people who regret their actions after performing them. After that argument with Zaroon on the first day, I tried to avoid any such fights with him but his behavior has been really annoying this past week. In almost every class he starts a discussion on a topic in which I would contribute my view, then would go against every point I'd speak. I ignored him everyday but today...today I lost my patience.

Today Sir Abrar was discussing the foreign policy of Pakistan and asked the class to share their views. When it was my turn, I said, "We should keep good relations with the western countries but not on the cost of our national interest. There are even weaker countries than Pakistan in the world and they don't bargain their interest, therefore neither should we. We do not need to bend down in front of anyone, the relations we have with the west now, is good enough."

Surprisingly, Zaroon did not present a comment on my short speech but God knows what made Sir Abrar ask the class which students wanted to go into foreign service. Some people raised their hands and surprise, surprise Zaroon was one of them. Sir Abrar smiled at him and asked, "Zaroon, why do you want to into foreign service?"

He started ranting straight away. "The main reason is that through this profession a person can secure a bright future, also this profession is glamorous and challenging and a person is in the position to serve his country."

I thought his sentence was very formal and cliche, the same old serving-the-country talk.

"Okay Zaroon, if you join the foreign service, which countries would you strengthen your relation with and why."

He stayed quiet for a while and then continued, "Although it is the job of a diplomat to be on good terms with every country, but I think I is most important to befriend the western world. This is because our economy is alive due to the loans we receive from America and Europe. How can we stay strong without their help? We can't even make a needle for God's sake, and we talk about not bargaining on the national interests."

Obviously, he was hinting towards me.

"Only that nation can make such claims, that knows how to sacrifice. In our country, if the price of meat increases, we can't stop eating meat for two days to bring it back to normal. But yes if you ask them to shout and start protesting, they can do it eagerly. Even in places where there is no need for such fuss. Because this is an illiterate and corrupt nation. What's surprising is that we don't stop our arguing even in places like the foreign market. It is a very sensitive point for a Pakistani, that when they get a chance to present their views in a matter as important as foreign policy, they become enthusiastic and the sad part is, they become enthusiastic about things which should be handled with caution and smartness. Like just now miss Kashaf said that if we can maintain good relations without bargaining our national interests, then its all good, otherwise we should leave things as they are. So miss Kashaf, if America finishes quota of only our cotton export, our country wouldn't last a week. We are a nation that stays alive on aids and such nations are forced to bargain everything they have, be it nationial interests or personal ones.  And by the way, in our everyday life every person is ready to go to America no matter what they have to pay. Therefore, I think that there is no space for such stupid talk as what miss Kashaf was saying a while ago."

I couldn't stop myself from speaking, "First of all, I am not making foreign policy here that my thoughts would have any effect on it. Those are my personal thoughts and everyone has the right to present their thoughts. But I would like to answer to your blames on me." Then I started replying to every single thing he had accused me of saying wrongly. He tried to stop me a couple of times but failed. I know that he felt quite insulted but after class he came to me. His face was red and I knew he wanted to say something but after a few moments he kicked the chair on my right and walked out. I took a breath of relief because when he came and stood by me, my breath stuck in my throat and I was afraid of what he might do. I had put my hands in my file to hide their shivering and started shifting papers. I did not want him to think that I'm afraid of him. But still, I got scared today. When I had been criticizing him in class, I did not think that he would take it all seriously. After all, he said horrid things to me too. I didn't react like him. But I guess the difference here is because he has money. Maybe wealthy people get their ego hurt by such talk, while people like me don't have any ego at all. Maybe he was right in being angry