Zindagi Gulzar hai - Life is a Flower Garden

23 November - Zaroon

Okay so now I'm supposed to marry and this fact is totally weird for me. Till this day, I have never ever thought about marriage, never has a woman impressed me to the point to marriage or maybe I should say that I didn't ever want to think about a woman in this way. Women are only a time-pass for me. Spending my whole life with one woman seems difficult and these days Ma has no other topic to talk about.

Whenever I sit near her, she starts talking about a girl. I came from Mauritius to attend Sarah's wedding but Ma seems ready for another celebration. Even during the function she kept showing me different girls and due to that I wasn't able to enjoy the evening properly. There were a lot of hot girls present but I knew Ma was watching me closely and if I showed the slightest interest in any girl, she'd think I had decided who to marry. She would have probably hounded down the girl's family right there. I had to stay alert.

Again today she started on the subject. She says to get engaged if I don't want marriage yet. "Zaroon, why don't you want to get married?!"

"I do want to get married and I will but only when I find the right girl, who I haven't found yet." I said as another attempt to shake her off.

"Zaroon, every girl I show you is great. Why don't you try to like one of them?"

"I can't like them because they don't possess the qualities I want."

"They're beautiful, educated, rich, belong to good families, what else do you want?"

"Yes they do have these qualities but there is a thing called character. I want a girl who never has a scandal, never flirted with anyone even for fun and never had any affairs."

She looked at me as if I had gone crazy.

"Zaroon, the girls I show you aren't hoes. They have the qualities you want and are really nice girls."

"I have been gone from Pakistan for only two years. In these two years, what evolution has passed that all females have turned into saints? They supposedly don't flirt and don't have any affairs."

I had spoken rudely so she replied in the same tone. "If a girl flirts once in her life, she doesn't become corrupt and you're one to talk, you have done all these things yourself."

I was ashamed....for a second. "Okay I have done all these things, but I'm a man, I can do this. My wife is not supposed to be like me. No matter the number of girls in my life, she should have only me and if you can't find a girl like that then leave it to me."

I said this and walked out of the room. It was difficult to explain to her that I can't marry a girl with a bad reputation and that's the kind she's showing me.

One thing has been proven, no matter how liberal parents are, the become horribly old-fashioned in the matter of their children's marriages. Marriages in our status are like business deals. Parents marry off their children to their business partner's children to expand their business and I don't want to be a part of a business deal. I want to spend my life, my way. I am very happy with my life right now and I don't need any headaches like marriage. I will marry a girl who is a) pretty b) well off c) educated and d) has a strong character. I don't want a wife at the moment because she will try to limit my activities and demand my time.

If Ma reads my diary, she'll say I'm old fashioned, narrow minded and I don't know what else. But I can't hide my personality and views by the curtains of modern thinking. Changing my ways is too hard.....near to impossible. At least, I can't do it.