Zindagi Gulzar hai - Life is a Flower Garden

10 February - Kashaf

Its ten at the night. Today was the last day of my posting in Gujarat and I have handed over the job to the new A.C. Tomorrow I will be going to Faislabad for my next duty. I wonder why administrative changes happen along with political changes. Well, I was already mentally prepared to give up my charge to someone else.

I will never forget the one and a half year I spent posted here in Gujarat. It is probably the most memorable event of my whole life. If I wanted to remember the greatest thing I did in this time, I won't have to think for long. I freed my cousin from police custody and that is probably the greatest thing I've ever done. He was blamed with a car theft and although he consistently pleaded his innocence, I know that whether for fun or any other reason, he did do it. Nonetheless, I helped him him because my mother asked me- no, FORCED me to help get him out of jail. Also, the man whose car was stolen was forced to compromise with my uncle. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done, because my uncle's family is included in the list of relatives I hate.

When our financial problems went sky-rocketing, we had no choice but to stay at him home for a time. And in that time, the way we were treated was the kind of treatment probably given to animals. When we would sit down to eat, Aunt would tell us to eat a smaller quantity so that there would be some food left for the others, and we would look at her with dumbfounded expressions, wondering if we ate so much that our aunt was forced to tell us to eat less.

I would go to her room about ten times to ask for the newspaper but whenever she saw me coming, she would pick it up again even if she had already finished reading.

We couldn't eat bread in our breakfasts. But complete loaves of stale bread were often found in the waste bins. If we went into her room to watch TV, either she or one of her children would turn it off. Those three years of living in shame are very important for me. They taught me what to expect from life. I was twelve at the time, but every sentence she spoke is still engraved on my mind.

When mother forced me to free Sajjad, I wondered how she could forget every thing they had done to us. But she is a loving sister and the memories of sisters regarding their brothers are usually quite weak.

In these one-and-a-half- years, I have done many small things for my relatives and now they can't say that I never did anything for them. If not all, a large amount of the debt has been repaid. My head won't be bowed in front of them anymore. I am happy with my transfer because some of my worries have left my head. I hope I'm never posted in Gujarat again. I probably won't want to help anyone ever again.