Courage Under Duress (SYTYCW)

Chapter 21

Convinced that the security system would keep me safe, I was hell-bent and determined to have my first night back at the ranch, all on my own.  It took me a while to settle down enough to fade into slumber but I managed.  If only sleep had stayed with me.

I woke with a start.  My bolting upright pulled at my stitches thus made me fall flat back onto the mattress with a painful wince.

What the hell?

For the first time, I hadn't roused at my own screaming.  It was Thomas that had awakened me.  I got up, forgoing my bathrobe and headed towards his room.  His words were mumbled, his speech labored and panicked.  I wasn't quite sure what to do other than try and wake him.

At his side, I put a hand on his shoulder and shook him with no result.  Deciding to do it with more force, I yelled his name.  That was far too effective.

A hand wrapped around my throat and tightened with the strength of a vice.  I let out an oxygen deprived cry that sounded more like a squeak.  Thomas overtook my body and pinned me beneath him.  My hands were beating at his arms until my fingernails grabbed onto his shoulders and dug in.  Darkness, darker than Thomas' bedroom was painting on my vision's periphery.  I was fading, my body's strength following suit.

"T-t..."  My arms went limp at my sides and I floated into unconsciousness.

When I came to, my throat felt constricted but my breathing had returned to normal aside from the weight on my chest.  The lights had been turned on and I peered down.

"Please wake up," I heard whispered.  The weight on my chest was of Thomas leaning his head onto me, his breath seeping through my satin nightshirt and deep into my skin.  "I'm so sorry, Erica, please wake up for me."  He was sobbing.

I lifted my hand and laced it into his hair.  "Tom?"  My voice was hoarse.  His head lifted to reveal his eyes which glistened with tears.  The remorse, the panic, the fear, the slew of emotions that flittered in those beautiful eyes of his were powerful.  The hand laced into his hair lowered and cupped the side of his face.  "It's okay."

"No it's not."  He shook his head.

"It's not your fault.  You were dreaming."

"I've never laid a hand on a woman like that."  He averted his eyes and turned his face from me.

"Tom, look at me," I said but he didn't budge.  "Look at me!"  I said again with more force.  After running a hand down his face, he brought his gaze back down to mine.  He backed away and sat on the bed beside me as I sat myself up.  I grabbed his face between my hands and stared into his eyes.  "You are not that kind of man, Thomas.  I know you.  I've known you for years.  You could never hurt me."

"But don't you get it?  I just did!  How can I keep you safe if I've just hurt you?"

"Thomas Nathaniel Clarke!  You listen to me right now!" I yelled.  "It was a nightmare!  I can damn well bet my life that whatever it was that you dreamt of, it wasn't of me.  You were not harming me!"

He released a loud, lengthy breath.  "No one's called me by my full name except for my mother-" he cut himself off.  "You're right."

"I know I am and I'm glad that using your full name makes you listen a tad more."  I smiled at him, my hands still on either side of his face.  When I let go, I proceeded to lie down.  "Now, what do you say about getting some sleep?"

"I-I can't," he said.  "You have to go back to your room.  I can't have that happen again."

"I'm not going anywhere, Thomas.  Did I run when I clobbered you over the head?  You didn't let me.  Instead, you pulled me in tight and held me.  Let me take care of you, Thomas."

He didn't need much more convincing than that.  Thomas settled onto his side of the bed.  His hand lifted and his fingers traced over my neck.

I lay on the flat of my back, looking back at him, his eyes roaming the damage he had inflicted.  "There's bruising," he said in anger before he started to pull his hand from me.

I grabbed his wrist and locked my hand around it.  "Don't," I whispered, "don't pull away."  I brought his hand closer.  I kissed his knuckles and released his wrist.  He didn't pull back.  In fact, he drew closer.

His lips met the skin of my neck.  Kisses were followed by words of apology until he made the entire ring of my neck at which point his lips sought out mine.  "I'm so sorry," he whispered against my lips before dropping a chaste peck.  He dropped his weight onto the mattress beside me and framed my face, pulling away so he could gaze into my eyes.  The fluttering of butterflies in my stomach warmed me.  "I promise I'll never hurt you again, Erica."  He dropped his head beside mine, nuzzling my ear.  "God, I can't believe it even happened."

"Let's just forget it did," I whispered back and kissed his ear, "I already have."

Wrapped up in Thomas' arms, facing him, I hugged him to me, the tension fading from his body.