Courage Under Duress (SYTYCW)

Chapter 37

As I approached the front door, my steps grew slower and more hesitant.  I hadn't been able to set foot on this property since I had last left it.  I had tried so many times over the last few weeks with not much success.  So many memories were holed up here; both good and bad.

It had been a month since that awful night where the horror movie that had high-jacked my life had ended with Dominic being erased from this world—permanently.  What was unfortunate was that he hadn't been erased from my life, leaving his dark indelible mark on my mind and an impurity to my soul.

You can do this.  I knew that there wasn't anything to fear anymore.  My tormentor wasn't going to jump out at me.  Not in this lifetime, not in the next, not anymore.

Determined to put some ghosts into my past and move forward, I made my way to the front door, the key in hand.  My hand stopped at the deadbolt and I couldn't seem to move further forward when another bout of nerves settled in.

"You can do this."  I felt Thomas' hand on my lower back as he came to my side.  "You're ready for this, Erica, and I'm not letting you do this alone."

We both hadn't been back there since Thomas had come to save me months before.  It had been the day where things had begun to look brighter, where I became hopeful again.  No, I wasn't home but more like my former prison; a place I never once imagined to ever see on the inside again.

"Why is this so hard?  He's dead," I said and swallowed the lump in my throat.  I was frustrated at having to go back, only to clean out personal belongings so I could sell the property.  To be honest, I was thrilled to move on and I couldn't understand that despite the fact that I looked forward to being rid of the place, that it was still difficult to keep going.

Marlene had explained that the fear was more from being confronted with all the awful memories that festered there and not the illogical way of thinking that something was there lurking and waiting to jump at me.  She was right.  There were demons there that I had left behind all those months ago.  Demons I didn't care to face but I also had recognized that I needed to do so just so I could move on with my life.

"We could have hired people to take care of this but you know you need to do this.  You've said so yourself," he reminded me and turned me to face him.  "Now listen.  We've been here twice already and I've let you walk away.  We're done tip-toeing away from this place.  I know you can do it.  You know you can do it."

I nodded and took a deep cleansing breath.  "Let's do this," I said and looked up at him with determination.

I couldn't be resentful toward a man who spoke the truth, who supported and who only reiterated what I myself had said time and again.  His arms surrounded my waist as he moved the front of his body flush with my back.  "I'll be right here behind you, every step of the way.  If you need anything, lean on me."

***

A few hours later, we walked through the threshold of the house I had regarded as my home since my rescue.  Despite the few dark memories that lingered from certain rooms, the ranch had become a place of healing for me long before the brief moments of horror had taken place.  It still was.

Things hadn't changed much with our relationship since Dominic's attack.  Despite the fact that the man was gone and out of our lives, certain fears of mine remained but were also fading.

To say I was the only one with residual concerns would have been a lie.  If anything, when Thomas wasn't around, he turned out to be quite the mother hen.  The constant reminders to lock up and activate the security alarm and so on and so forth after his departures were borderline crippling for me.  It slowed down my quest to re-develop my independence.  It had gotten better with our meetings with Marlene but there were certain things that just took longer than others to resolve and both of us struggled with that particular aforementioned issue.

Every time I walked by the bottom of the stairwell, I was reminded of that night.  It had gotten easier and surprisingly, quicker than I ever expected.  Where I first used to freeze and tear up when looking at the spot I had last seen Dominic's dead body, now I only paused mid-step and kept walking.

Living at the ranch got easier with each session with Marlene.  She helped me to focus on the happier moments I had experienced in the house.  She encouraged new happy occasions and gatherings to help push out the negativity.  I was curious as to if it ever would work but part of me believed that if I did fill my life in this house with happy memories, that the bad ones would fade to the back of my mind and life would forever become normal for me again.  I had no reason not to try.  After all, everything Marlene had done to help me out had worked for me thus far.

Aside from some emotional repercussions, things with Thomas had never been greater.  The man hadn't changed after Dominic ceased being a threat.  We were both now healed from our injuries but Thomas never stopped to try and dote upon me every chance he got.  I wasn't used to it and I'm not sure I ever will be.  It was the subject of our only two arguments.  Despite my subservient past with Dominic, I still enjoyed doing things for Thomas.  I enjoyed taking care of him in certain ways.

Between arguing about never being able to cook or clean, me having done far too much for someone in my life in his opinion and him claiming that it was his job to take care of his woman, we had reached an understanding.  The best part about Thomas was that he was always willing to listen when it was most important.  Sometimes, he was so attuned to my reactions, expressions and demeanors that I didn't have to say anything at all.  I love him all the more for it.

"What's got you smiling?"  I shook myself out of my reverie and grinned when I realized that Thomas' face was inches from mine.

"Just thinking about you," I told him.

"I'd like to know what it was about me that made you smile like that."  He smirked and wrapped his arms around my waist.  "Just so I can do it over and over."

"Just you," I said and kissed him chastely, "you being you."