My Boss' Son

Chapter 84

I don’t know how I ended up here, or when I even left my apartment but now that I’ve found myself in front of his house I’m afraid to open the door. My body is numb through, having no feeling since ending the phone call with Jodi. I don’t know how to deal with this or even begin to believe that it is real which is why I’m finding it hard to go inside. Jodi's broken voice keeps playing the words I feared to hear- Mr Styles is dead.

My stomach tightens at the thought of walking into this house and him not being here. His brave face that he would always put on no matter how hard he was finding it, he would always try his best to not bring others down with him. He would do whatever it took to make people think he was okay just so they didn’t have to suffer with him which is what he did right to the end.

There are already a few cars outside, indicating that people are already starting to gather at his house and I know seeing others will make the news sink in but even worse when I see him.

Imagining Harrys saddened green eyes full of mourning is the only thing that pushes me to go inside, opening the front door quickly in need and want to find him. I can hear people in the lounge, some talking and some crying as I near the area. When I turn the corner, the first people I see are Jodi and Zac, both holding each other as they sit on the couch quietly whilst others sit around or set a few things up in the kitchen.

Zac whispers something to Jodi making her turn around, showing me her reddened eyes that are just as puffy as Zacs.

“Ella” Jodi begins to cry again, standing to her feet and rushing over to me though I can’t find it in me to move from where I stand.

Her chest pushes hard against mine as she quickly wraps her arms around me, her tears already streaming down her face as she cries for what I’m guessing is the hundredth time already.

I wish I could cry with her, release this numb composure I am holding onto so tightly, but it’s only because I need to see him first. I know I need to see Harry before I can let myself feel anything.

I’ve been through this before with my brother and I know how much it hurts when someone so close to you goes. There is no fixing it, no erasing it or forgetting it. It will always be there. I can only help him so much but I know when you are the closest to that person it is what you need. Family and friends helping you through and showing you that you can live with it. I mourn my brother every day but it’s in a way that I am grateful for him being here. He’s gone and I hate it. I hate it for it being him instead of me but it’s something you learn to deal with. You soon start to see that the good outweighs that bad. He was here and he was with us, which is what mattered. Although his years were short lived, I am grateful I had anytime at all with him. And although it will take a long time I know Harry will make it through this too and I’m going to do whatever to help him through it.

“I can’t believe it” she cries, hugging me closer once more as she rests her head on my shoulder.

I don’t say anything, but instead just rub my hand along her back as I hug her close. These hugs are the most terrible and also the best.

They are the hugs that are terrifying as you can feel the need held within them. The need within the hug is urgent for comfort and support but it’s always an eye opener for how much you want to give them that. How much you love each person you receive this from in the most darkening times. It’s these people you know you will forever be a part of you and you are happy for it. Everyone is looking for help and in these times you are grateful when realising all the support you have.

“He just slipped away Ella. Right in front of us” she starts sobbing harder and my heart clenches at the reminder of that feeling.

My heart burns with an aching desire to find Harry, knowing he was there when it happened.