mortality | uta

eighteen

"Is there another life?
Shall I wake and find all this a dream?
There must be, we cannot be created for this sort of suffering."

-John Keats, in a letter to Charles Brown

...

Sebastian

...

The days flew by unnoticed, time seemed to slow down like hours turned into years. Its been home and work, sometimes the boys would take me out for a few late night races in the outskirts of the city. The adrenaline I felt at times I drove my car at the highest speed on the highway, all but a fleeting sensation to numb the pain that still lingered. I craved for more distraction, in order to forget yet somehow, her face manages to pop up.

My dear sister.

Atleast Ayame's been doing quite well these days. Her eyes were filled with peace and a small sliver of melancholy that would be gone once she blinks her eyes as if it was never there in the first place. She manages these things well which makes me wonder how much does a person have to go through to reach this type of acceptance. Knowing myself, I cant reach it no matter what.
She keeps things in order in the house to which I am thankful for, she filled the position I couldnt hold up for the moment.

A sluggish knock came resonated through the lobby, the glass panes werent helping in any way for me to decipher who stood beyond it.
A visitor is a visitor. I opened it.

And hell, I shouldve expected it.

Expected him.

But  I didnt.

"Sebastian." he starts, I had to stop myself from flinching as his voice wasnt something I recognized, it was different. Almost tired, raspy even as if depraved of water. He had no belongings with him, just his passport that was now crumpled in his pale grip.

"Come in." was all I could say as I stepped aside while he entered, no more the confidence in his gait.

"Hey Sebastian! Have you found the car keys yet?" Ayame soon rounded the corner, until her eyes landed on the person beside me did her expression change. Stone cold.

"Ayame, where is she?" he asks, eyes darting around trying to catch atleast a glimpse of someone who would never come back. With a swift pivot she started for the stairs. I beckoned him to follow us. Every step of the way felt heavy, like lead attached to the soles of my feet, only did it get unbearable when we reached the door. She hesitated at first, hand hovering above the knob until she twisted it with a little more force.

The room was clean, all her belongings the way she left it to be. I glanced back up to the person who stood in the middle of the room, he didnt seem to move nor even breathe.
I sighed and walked towards her dresser that contained a few succulents, a typewriter with an unfinished poem and a journal.
My fingers grazed the leather surface,  reminiscing the time I brought it home for her, the day before she departed and flew to Japan for work.

" Take it. Read it or not, this was what she left behind for you." I handed him the journal, pale hands receiving it gingerly. I stepped around him and out the door, Ayame trailing behind me.

An ear splitting scream came from behind us, as if it were an animal being eaten alive. I didnt turn nor stop walking away from the room.
Amelia appeared not a minute later until she realized who it was, she too stepped back and went about her day.

...

"Take me to her grave." came the worn voice again, Sebastian didnt bother to turn in fear that he too might catch the intense melancholy hanging off the person behind him. Silently, he stood up from the couch and walked, Uta didnt need to be told as he followed suit, the leather bound journal still tightly held in his hand.
They got in the car and drove off towards the cemetery.

Plane crash

The words were still fresh to Uta as he stood in front of her grave, pots of forget me not bloomed vibrantly.
The engraved name upon the tombstone was a painful reminder of the truth that lies before him, the proof of what had befallen his lover. Beads upon beads of crystal tears fell  again, he's lost count ever since she left without words. That day crushed his heart and today only obliterated the remaining parts of it that he tried to fix. He didnt care anymore, everything was numb, everything was dull.

Everything was dark once again.

Sebastian finally looked at him, he tried to imagine how much it hurt for someone who's lost half of them, how much the world has stolen away from this man, how much he could not imagine. There was no salvation for such a man.
And for Sebastian, it wouldnt be the same to stand alone without his siblings by his side.

They stayed until the last rays of the sun were gone only then did they go back home.

...

Time is merciless , things change, life comes and goes and people change for better or for worse.

Ayame set out to finally fulfill the promise they both made to see the world and with hope that she can finally move from the heartbreak everything has given her.

Sebastian was still coming to the terms of acceptance and healing, for having lost both his sibling at such a short time, the tragedy was still vivid in his mind. The nightmares still came, little by little he tried to pick up his missing pieces along the way.

And Uta, he who's cursed himself of all the faults there is in this world, lived with the memories of her. Joy all but a word in the dictionary and pain as an anchor.
He never loved, never saw things in a new light again.

Until then he would be making masks in his shop, without the concept of time. Until he too withers away only then did he vow he would be happy again.

In another life where they'd meet and love again. 

Fin .