mortality | uta

seventeen

Ayame

....

All I saw was darkness before everything else, I felt pain, excruciating heat lick at my skin, burn a few parts of my hair until our plane crashed into the deep sea.

For the last time

I remember the way she threw herself above me, the feel of her skin against mine ,caging and crushing me with her weight as the chaos ran about the entire plane.

For the last time

I remember her tears that day yet her smile was present, her face almost at ease until I realized she was ready to let everything go and accept whatever fate has in store for her. The  way her eyes looked, tragic and tired, I knew, oh I knew she was burdened.

For the last time

I remember holding the cold body that saved me, skin pale almost blue when I hauled her over a floating debris. I screamed then, until my voice was raw and brackish, tears rose and fell and joined the ocean, contributing to its  saltiness.

Even when I was rescued along with a few lucky souls, I felt nothing by then, no pain, no anger and no relief, as it seemed like the ocean took what's left of my sane emotional soul. They took her away from me, with a promise to keep her safe, I agreed then.

Sebastian found me not an hour after, relief soon turned to grief as I told him of what had become of his sibling. He's lost one and now the other. He wept then and there.

...

I stood fiddling with the ring, once around her finger now looped by a chain and hung on my neck. It was a simple sapphire crusted silver band. They lowered her grave slowly, pieces upon pieces of forget me not was thrown down into the ground, soon enough a mound was created and the equipment moved away. The tombstone glimmered in the afternoon glow, there was a small party today consisted of very close people within and out of the family.

I saw Amelia, swollen belly showing beneath the silver flowy dress she wore, she nodded solemly, a woeful smile reaching the corners of her lips as she kissed my cheek.

"You'll be alright, Ayame. We'll all be." she whispered for a second then gone the next along with rose towards the cars waiting.

Only one person stood by her grave.

Sebastian.

He valued fashion so much that even his outfits exclaimed sparkling taste, dressed to the finest of brands and smelt of expensive cologne yet today was different.
He didnt wear his rings
He didnt wear his necklaces
Yet he wore the antique watch she's given him before she left to work in Japan.

My hand found his soft one that hung limply to his side. I didnt dare look up to see his face because one glimpse would send my clumsily built walls breaking again. I squeezed it as a sign of reassurance seeing that words were the last option in this situation.

The breeze lifted and danced around in a calming manner, the sun still up yet it gave a warm feeling. A part of me would wonder why it wasnt scorching enough to burn through me and finally join the person who's life was taken in exchange for mine.

For someone like me to live, someone who's made countless mistakes in the past, someone who killed to survive yet at the end of the day I was still someone who loved, someone who lived, someone who was accepted and treated as family.

But I was someone who's lost a part of me.

...

I entered her room, the bed was made never to be slept on again.  The wardrobe filled with clothes to the brim yet never to be wore again. Her books wouldnt feel the touch of her fingers gliding against smooth pages as she read, loosing herself in a different world. The window sill she always sat on appeared barren without her presence.
All of her belongings would be buried in dust and memories both happy and sad.

My eyes shut as I reminisced the times we spent together here, the times we fought and ignored each other until we made up through a single box of cake.

The tears wouldnt come anymore.

I walked out of the room, my feet soon finding myself in front of the mansion's gallery, I then saw it.

Her portrait hung beside her parents' and Elijah's.

She still had that radiant glow even in a painting. It almost seemed that she's still here with us through the expression she gave.

I didnt know how long I stood there but I know that feeling of a calm veil set over me, beyond all the melancholy that is running through me there is peace somewhere knowing that she's in a better place.

Free of all the burdens of the past.

And maybe when time soon closes unto me, Id see her again.

In another life where there is no discrimination and war but love and belonging.

In another life we'd still be the best of friends.

....

:)))))