mortality | uta

Sixteen

Ayame

....

Leaving was something Ive expected her to do. The indecisive days when she paced until midnight thinking a lot about her past after she retrieved them made me think was she really ready like she said she was?

The pull of her anxiety was strong and can be felt throughout the whole suite as I helped her pack. The silence that hung above us was suffocating.

"Are you really sure about this, Charles?" I had to ask her, I needed to know if it was worth it, worth leaving things once theybe been settled, but was it worth leaving the man she loves. Deep down, Ive always known how she felt for him was something words can never explain and its disheartening to see her neatly tuck the rest of her clothes and zip up her suitcase. 

"I am." yet she couldnt look at me in the eyes

"Does he know?" I pressed on

"No and I intend to keep it that way." yet her hands are shaking as she stood up grabbing both her backpack and suitcase

" You told everyone youre leaving but him. Why? Charles, you know youre being selfish right?" I grab my suitcase as well as we head towards the door and all I can do is hope that she reconsider into telling him, to spare him.

"Why?" she whispered, stopping inches aware from the door "Because Im scared, if I tell him. It will make it harder to leave. I have to go back and face the reality of my own world, I cant stay here you know that."

" Dont you think that'll stop him from follow after you?" she stiffens and turns towards me. Now I see it, the utter sorrow in her eyes tells me everything

" He has a life and I have my own. He cant drop everything and run after me." she stands her ground, turns and opens the door

If only she knew how drastically this man changed over the years.

But nothing could change her mind right now and thats how she always was. I followed her outside the door.

...

"Is there any way for me to make you stay?" Tsukiyama pouts as he held her within arms length

" Shuu, you know I have to go back and help Sebastian with the business right? Besides Ill keep in contact with you." her lips quirk up but never reaches her eyes nor shows its radiance

"Ill be missing you my dear. " he whines and hugs her, his taller frame engulfing her smaller build

"Me too Shuu. Take care now." she pats his back and they part, taking a few steps away from each other, his eyes sought mine, a stern look in it

"Take care of her."

"Who do you think I am, Tsukiyama?" I smile at my old friend as we got into the cab

The minutes passed and soon we reached the airport in time for our flight. I saw her looking back from time to time as if she were expecting someone to pop out.

"Wait." I stopped in my tracks, Charlotte a few paces away from me halted as well from entering the gates

"What do you want Kirishima?" the man seemed to flinch at the sudden use of his surname.

"Are you leaving for good?" he asks me, eyes never leaving mine. Long lost ardor inching its way into my heart. The nostalgic feeling of what we once were subtly lingered around us.

"I dont have a life here anymore, now do I?" I reply, swallowing the lump forming in my throat

"But you have your friends here, me. What more could you want Ayame?"

" A fresh start." I dont want to get hurt again "And that also means leaving things behind for good, leaving the concept of us behind."

"So thats it?" he whispers after some time, this was his last attempt at persuading me and he knows he failed once again.

"Im afraid so." with one last look at him, only then do I turn and walk

"Goodbye."

...

A sigh escaped me as my back leaned heavily upon the leather cushions.

" Are you alright?" Charlotte asks from the aisle beside me, her eyes puffy and red

" Why wouldnt I be?"

"Well that was Ayato so I was wondering what you guys talked about." she replies

"I cut things off once and for all. For some reason I feel lighter. " I offer her a smile

"Youre strong Ayame, it takes a lot for someone to do that, unlike me." she shakes her head at the last words and grabs her bottled water "I couldnt stand up and face him."

"We all have our own ways Charles. Perhaps you were right, it was better this way." I turn towards the window as we began to ascend.

And there stood a man with hair as dark as the night sky, pale skin inked with stories and eyes wide with grief.

This was the last time I told myself.