mortality | uta

Eleven

Uta

...

I couldve lost her today if it werent for the peacekeepers but mostly, I blame myself for not being more persistent. I couldve prevented her from getting hurt and having to take a trip to the hospital. I couldve done so much better yet I failed and I will never live that down.
Ayame and Urie bickered back and forth from across me as I sat there lingering to the words Ayame told me 2 weeks ago.

"What happened six years ago gave her trauma, it overwhelmed her so much that after she recovered for a year she remembered nothing of this place, what happened and who she was before. Thats why she doesnt remember you. Her mind is only protecting her and there's nothing we can do about it for now but to wait until she's ready to accept things, to remember. Dont force her into it or Ill have your head."

Trauma. Thats what made her who she is now and I, for some selfish reason couldnt accept that. But then, its always been my fault, I thought I was protecting her from the war by joining the other side, against my own kind. Oh how foolish was I to think that, instead it costed me, her.

" She went looking for you. A large wound from her stomach was where she blead to death. Urie saw the whole thing, how Furuta killed her without a second thought. She had the idea of the Serum for fucks sake and he killed her because he knew that will be the downfall of his empire."

I stand up from my seat, already done with their conversation. I walked towards the room she was in, pushing the door open to find her grabbing a glass of water that was far out of her reach. I handed it to her as she mumbled a small thank you, immediately downing the liquid.
The star tattoo on her wrist still a reminder of who she once was.

" How are you feeling?" I ask, blinking away from the tattoo I gave her six months after we met. She asked me so much about my tattoos, claiming each and every piece inked together held a story, so I told her about the sun, about the latin quote and the ones that ran along my arms to my fingers and those that covered my back, all stories of my past.
She wanted one too, the very simple star tattoo upon her wrist. I asked her what was its story as I inked her.

" I always thought the moon was lonely everytime it showed up when I was a child. It was beautiful yet it never seemed to as ethereal as the sun. Thats when the stars appeared as I realized some nights werent really clear as the clouds blocked them, so when I saw them, I knew they made the moon shine bright as the sun. I want to be a star, I want to give people purpose."

Her response was what drawn me closer to her, made me love her even deeper than before. She was indeed a star, giving so much people hope, burning brighter than before. I witnessed her numerous acts of kindness to both human and ghoul. Which made me question, was the world really black and white as I thought it to be?

Then Renji came, after my attempt of killing him. He made me realize what it was to be to live, to feel and here I thought I was already happy. I wasnt, I just told myself I was yet he opened my eyes for me. How much Ive been missing out on. No wonder why I was drawn to people like him and her.

I was the one who lacked warmth.

And she gave it to me.

" Im fine, in fact I can go home later this evening after Doctor Satoshi checks me." She smiles

" The bandages speak otherwise Stella." I reply, taking a seat on the side of her bed

"Now dont take me for a bloody weakling." she huffs and crosses her arms

"Just dont do that again." I sigh, a hand running through my hair

" But I protected myself."

"You couldve fucking died! And Im not gonna loose you the second time around Charlotte! " I belt out, standing to my full height. I gasped when I realized what I just said.

I ran.