Answer To My Life

f i f t e e n

The next few days are wondrously simple and exciting. I spend time with Marina, thinking about her and my new relationship. We watch movies together and I even spend a night at her house, cuddling up against her.

I exchange a few texts with Sea who interestingly enough, starts to engage even more with my texts. Sending me heart and kiss emojis often, mentioning relationships more, and asking me about who I have an interest in. I, on the other hand, start to give her less details than I would have before, and I opt to simply tell her that I'm in a relationship with an amazing girl.

That's it.

I exit out of Tumblr and switch to my phone, choosing to send Marina a text. We participate in a conversation about some of the most random things. At one point, I even send her a reaction image of a dog with huge heart eyes and stars surrounding it.

She responds, by saying that cats are better than dogs and sending me the same version of that reaction image- but of a cat.

I send her another reaction image of a dog and tell her that dogs will always be better than cats.

She texts me a frown emoji.

I smile, feeling amused at her responses. I scroll back up to look at some of our texts from last night, and I notice the huge contrast between our serious talks about life and our more childish conversations right now. Somehow, I feel like I can talk to her about anything that crosses my mind.

It's easy with her. To talk to her about anything and do anything with her.

If sort of reminds me of Sea. How it feels like you're welcome to bring up anything. With others, including Elliot sometimes, I refrain from mentioning some topics because I feel as if I'm bothering them or as if they don't want to hear from me. Whether that's true or not, I'm not sure, but I feel that way nonetheless.

The next day, I'm at the diner with Elliot and I, again, don't want to talk to him about Marina, but this time it's because I don't want to tell him. He, on the other hand, is eager to to hear every single detail and gossip about it.

"Have you two had sex?" Elliot asks, winking at me.

I roll my eyes as I say, "you don't need to have sex to have an amazing time or relationship."

"I know," Elliot says. "But, did you?"

I decide to save myself some energy by admitting, "no."

"What? Why? Do you not want to? Does she not want to?" Elliot questions repeatedly.

"Shut up already," I tell him firmly.

"Why?"

"You place this huge focus on that as if it's the goal or final stage of a relationship. I'm not focused on that right now. This relationship stuff is new to me so maybe I don't know everything, but I do know that placing so much pressure and focus on sex isn't right. It just feels like you're forcing me to think about that when I don't want to. Being in a relationship isn't just about that and honestly, I'm concerned that you may seem to think that way," I explain to him.

"Oh," he simply says.

He's completely dumbfounded and mumbles a lame excuse, telling me that he has to go. He leaves me alone at the table, and I'm not even disappointed. I'm proud of myself for speaking up, and finally telling him what I've always wanted to admit to him.

Over the years of being best friends, it's been great but he's always had this habit of creating so much drama over trivial topics.

When I thought I was straight and I had dated a guy, he had done that. He had interrogated me as if I were some prisoner until I finally told him that I didn't think I was straight. I never told him anything or called him out on it.

I love Elliot, but he has some work that he needs to do.

I look at the time on my phone and see that it's 2:05 pm. I wonder if Marina should be at work by now, so I double check the screenshot of the schedule that she had sent me a few days ago.

She should be at work by now.

I start to type a quick message to her, but I hear the familiar bells of the door ring and I look up, immediately making sweet eye contact with Marina. Her uniform shirt is a bit wrinkly and she seems thrown off, well, by the world. I stay at the table since she already seems late and I don't want to make her even more late by making her clock in later.

When I see her check in, then I decide to approach her. I lightly tap her on the shoulder and she turns around. The disappointment on her face quickly disappears, and she smiles.

"Hey stranger. I didn't expect to see you here," I tell her.

She grins and says, "oh, yes. As if you don't have my schedule."

I raise my hands up in defense and remark, "I must have lost it."

"It's on your phone!"

She grabs my shiny phone out of my hand, and playfully waves it around in front of my face.

"Get to work, Marina!" Someone, who I assume to be a manager of some sort, yells at her.

Her face instantly changes, and annoyance is already written across her face.

"It's okay, I think I have to go anyways," I tell her, trying to comfort her with that.

"I honestly just want to quit this job. That's why I was late. I just can't deal with this job."

"Why?"

"My co-workers are horrible and I'm expected to handle so much more work compared to them."

"I support you if you want to quit. Or if you don't want to quit. I'm here for you," I say.

She hugs me at that statement and tells me, "thanks. For now, I'll just keep working here. I think I'll talk to my mom about it."

When she mentions her mom, I start to think about how I don't know a lot about her family. At all. Sure, I had spent a night with her but it's not like I actually engaged in a conversation with her family. They weren't even there when I was.

I simply tell her that I have to go back home and we hug again as a goodbye.

On the way home, I start to think about it even more. My mind explores various ideas as to what her family is like or why I don't know anything about them. I had already told Marina all about my brothers and my parents.

It felt strange.