Answer To My Life

f o u r

I'm clearly distant as Elliot talks but he doesn't comment on it, and keeps talking about how he had an amazing time with Isaac.

I finally have enough of it and I say, "I don't want to hear this."

He sighs and questions, "is it too much for your lesbian brain to handle?"

"Yeah!" I snap at him. "Would you like it if I talked about being with girls?"

"No, but you've never gotten any so you aren't going to tell me anything."

"Maybe I have," I lie to him.

I expect him to be quiet and end the conversation already, but instead, he continues.

He seems shocked and asks, "you're serious? My best friend finally got some!"

"Thanks for telling everyone that," I respond sarcastically as a few people turn to eye us.

"When did this happen?"

"A while ago," I tell him, resuming this unrealistic lie.

I feel bad for lying, but knowing that he believes it gives me some confidence in myself. He's always placed a huge focus on that topic, even though I've always been indifferent to it.

"Ooh! Tell me everything! Don't tell me too much though, I'm way too gay for that."

I shake my head and when the bell rings, I'm thankful for it and say, "later."

He frowns but doesn't argue against it, which surprises me since he always wants to know everything about everything. I feel a pair of eyes on me and when I turn in its direction, I find that Marina is looking at me.

She smiles at me and I return it, with a little wave.

Please don't say she heard all of that.

I'm absolutely mortified and lay my head on the table, as if I could suddenly shrink away and hide from all of this. Our teacher assigns us a few tasks and let's our group get to work.

My stomach starts making noise and my embarrassment grows, since Marina clearly heard it. She laughs a little, which puts me at ease but I'm still embarrassed.

I whisper to Elliot, "I'm hungry. I want something to eat."

"Is that a variation of what you told that girl?" He responds loudly, snickering as people look at us again.

I lightly slap his arm and roll my eyes at him, which only makes him chuckle further.

  "Hey, don't make fun of her," Marina speaks up.

  Her voice brings shivers down my spine and I blush, a bit honored that she would bother defending me.

"No offense girl, but you don't what we're talking about," Elliot tells her.

  "Actually girl, I heard everything so yes, I do know what you're talking about and it isn't kind to make fun of Idalia over it."

"I was just teasing her," he says. "Right, Idalia?"

I stay silent and look down, feeling both of them staring at me.

"Oh," he simply tell me. "Listen, I'm sorry Idalia. I get carried away and sometimes I don't realize how stupid I sound."

  "It's fine. Just please, stop."

  "I will!" He exclaims, "and to prove to you that I'm sorry, we're going to go eat at our diner today."

"You don't have to prove it to me," I say.

  "Yes, I do. I'll also pay for you," he adds.

  "Fine. I can't argue with that," I tell him, smiling toward both Elliot and Marina.

Before the conversation can end, I direct my next words to Elliot and say, "by the way, I was joking."

His mouth turns into the shape of an 'o' and he's about to say something once again, but I'm saved by the loud sound of the ringing bell.

  We walk to our next class where I nervously think about how I'll bump into Elise. Once again, Elliot remarks that he'll be back in a few minutes and allows me to walk into the classroom by myself.

  I look over my shoulder and spot Elise, so I immediately start to slow down. I accidentally drop my phone and bend down to grab it, making sure that I'm in Elise's range. I stand up, but not before Elise bumps into me, sending numerous books flying out of her hands onto the ground.

That was not what I had in mind.

  "I'm so sorry!" I nervously exclaim.

  "It's fine," she quickly says as she kneels down to gather her things.

  I help her and our hands even brush together as I hand her a book, but I admittedly feel nothing when it happens.

It can't be her then, but I ask anyway, "what does that book say?"

  "Which one?"

  "The blue one. Coincidentally, it's the same exact shade as the blue Tumblr logo. Do you use Tumblr?"

The moment that the words are out of my mouth, I already want to punch myself in the face. I think that if I were a character on a television show, the audience would be getting secondhand embarrassment from the way I'm acting right now.

  "No," she says awkwardly. "Isn't that site for hipsters or something?"

Well, that wasn't completely unexpected. Still, I feel some kind of shock and then I blurt out, "it's not. Have a nice day."

I practically run to my seat, and feel like I'm a burning shade of deep red. Dramatically, I make a vow in my head that I will never speak to her again. When Elliot arrives a few minutes later, he asks what's wrong but I silently ignore him.

All I'm able to think about is how badly that interaction went with her, but I'm still hopeful. Zara seems kind, and when I look in her direction, I even bite my lip with the excitement about being able to talk to her.

  I can't fail this time.