Answer To My Life

t h r e e

  When I get home, I immediately answer Sea's message, and tell her that I'm a bit busy right now. She responds with a frowny face which in return, makes me frown but I decide that my choice is for the greater good. She wouldn't like my plan if she that I was planning on trying to find out who she is.

I lay down on my bed, grabbing a journal of mine and I open to a new page, ready to write down whatever notes I make. I recall the details about the two girls and I add their striking characteristics to my notebook.

I put in Elise's face and even do a quick sketch of them both, smiling at how my art sometimes turns out okay. I write down the connection that I had with Zara as a reason that she could be Sea, and I also lightly draw her out.

"She's pretty," I admit to myself. "But why would the she waste her time on Tumblr? It doesn't match her personality."

I quickly add that in as a reason that she might not be Sea and I put the same thing down for Elise, since I keep doubting whether she would waste her time on there too. And even if she did, she gives off an immense straight girl vibe that wouldn't be worth my time if it was proven true.

I try to think about it more but my two younger brothers barge into the room, exclaiming that they want to play with me.

"I'm busy," I tell them calmly.

They start to yell at me and though I know they're only 6, I still feel the slight urge to yell at them.

Sibling things.

I harshly tell them to go away and after a while, they finally do. I get back to my notes and add in more details, like the look I shared with Zara today. I admit, I don't know much about either of them, other than what their reputation reveals, and I find myself making judgements based off of that.

I decide that I'll approach Elise first simply because I had noticed her first, but deep down I think that Zara will be more welcoming.

I switch to the next page, and began to take down any thoughts that cross me about how I can talk to her. Before I can get anything important written, my dad marches into the room, most likely to scold me for ignoring my brothers.

"Why did you ignore Mateo and Lucas? Go play with them! It's not like you're doing anything valuable anyways."

I feel myself instantly tighten and tense up. I instantly close my journal before he can read anything and I sit up, hesitantly looking at him in the eyes.

"I'm working on homework," I say.

"Always working on homework yet what I always see in school are your horrible grades."

"I'm working on it. That's why I need to do my homework," I explain.

He's visibly annoyed, but simply comments, "fine."

He finally leaves and I feel the tears gather, but I wipe them away because if he even catches a glimpse of me crying, it'll be worse for me. I lay back down and curse at him in my head.

Sometimes he's bearable to deal with. Hell, sometimes he's even a great dad but most of the time, he's like this.

I don't bother thinking about it too much and I return to my writing, making a plan for Elise. I ultimately decide on 'accidentally' bumping into her in class and based on her response, I can tailor it to asking her about Tumblr.

How I'll do that, I have no idea, but I'll make it work.

I smile at the thought of her possibly being Sea and get carried away with thinking of getting close to her.

What if we dated? Got married?

I laugh at myself for right away getting to marriage, as I wasted no time just like that stereotype of the U-haul lesbians. I turn to my phone and turn it on, finding a notification from Sea.

seaofhearts | 6:14 pm
are you done being busy?

daylightful | 6:48 pm
technically yes, but i feel like i should work on homework

seaofhearts | 6:55 pm
screw homework. wouldn't you rather talk to me? :)

daylightful | 6:58 pm
duh. but i'm not doing very well with some of my classes so i should work on it.

seaofhearts | 7:00 pm
you chose school over me :(

daylightful | 7:04 pm
noo. if you wanted to meet, we could study together then!

I hear my dad walking around though and I sit back down, pulling out a random math sheet to work on.

seaofhearts | 7:15 pm
i don't know...

  With that, she changes the subject and I feel energized as I power through the homework and talk to Sea at the same time. I'm disappointed that again, she's ignoring my attempts to try to meet her but it was expected. I strongly hope that it's Elise just so I can figure this out but even if it isn't her, I can go to Plan B.