Answer To My Life

f o u r t e e n

"Is something wrong?" Marina asks the moment I lead her to my room and shut the door behind her.

"Sort of. Depending on how you look at it."

"Just tell me, Idalia," she says delicately.

I nearly feel my heart rise out of my chest at that moment because of the way she says my name. She says it differently than everyone else. Full of heart and sweetness. She says it as if she'll never see me again, with such emotion packed into one word.

I never knew that was possible. For someone to do that. For someone to make me feel like a lovesick idiot, focusing on something as small as the pronunciation of my name.

She repeats it again, sending the same shivers down my spine.

I immediately say, "I'm sort of cheating on you."

She's taken aback and questions, "what?"

"I mean, I know we're not even dating technically but I wanted to tell you."

"Explain," she says firmly.

"So, this will be awkward to say but I met someone on the internet."

I pause, expecting that she'll interrupt me with a bunch of questions but she instead stays calm, motioning for me to go on.

"This wasn't recent! It started long before I met you. I started talking to this person on my Tumblr account. You know what Tumblr is right?"

She slowly looks up at me and nods, reacting in an unexpected manner as she smiles.

"Well, we're friends!" I blurt out.

"And? What's wrong with that? That's not cheating."

"I sort of have feelings for her," I admit.

She looks at me. Blinking awkwardly multiple times, as if she'll suddenly disappear if she tries hard enough. Her attitude changes as she seems to process the information, prompting her to let out a small laugh.

"I don't get how it's funny? I expected that you would be angry."

"I think it's cute. You like a stranger on the Internet," she simply says.

"Shouldn't you be mad?" I ask.

"I can't blame you for having feelings for someone. I'm sure they're an amazing person. Why would I be mad?"

"Because I assumed you would want me to have feelings only for you. Not anyone else, especially if we date. That is, if we date," I try to explain.

She shakes her head and says, "it's just an Internet thing. I won't take it that seriously. As to the dating subject, are we dating?"

I'm thrown off by her indifference to the topic of my Internet crush so I simply respond, "um. . . I don't know?"

"If you would like to be my girlfriend, then I would gladly be yours," she tells me, with a huge smile present on her face.

I grin, deciding to focus on this rather than Sea, as I practically scream, "yes!"

I lean in, and stand only centimeters away from her lips.

I wrap my arms around her waist and we lightly dance for a few seconds, as I playfully twirl her around.

I feel content in the moment. My thoughts about Sea, school, and my mom's ignorant remarks are quickly forgotten.

All I can focus on is her, and how she's right in front of me. A delicate being full of magic and beauty that is my girlfriend.

I lean my head on her shoulder, enjoying the small space and how I feel with her. We sway around for another few minutes, and I hold on even tighter to her.

Everything is silent, except for the light sounds of her breathing and when we both engage in a laughing fit after I almost trip on air.

I tilt my head up, to look into her blue eyes. We stay quiet, as I'm mesmerized by her presence.

Up close, her eyes are even more beautiful than from afar. A million shades of blue are swimming around in her eyes, creating this complex image of an ocean. Her eyes are calm, cool, and takes me back to the beach. Strikingly similar to how her presence does all of that for me.

"I really like you," I say softly.

"I really like you too," she whispers.

We stay like that, wrapped up in each other's arms and caught up in the feeling.

I don't mind it and if the moment hadn't been interrupted when my loud ring tone started going off, I would have wanted to have stayed in that place forever.

Basking in the feelings that she gives me would have been satisfying. Lovely. Timeless.

Midst all the chaos in the world, I feel like everything stops when I'm with her. As if it's just me and her, enjoying the world and each other.

No worries and no responsibilities. Just pure joy and romance.

Of course, the phone call brings me to reality. I'm disappointed to see that it's my father, who angrily asks why I hadn't answered faster.

He wants a picture of the grocery list that he had forgotten.

I excuse myself from Marina and head to the kitchen, snapping a picture of the paper on the fridge. I send it to him and feel relaxed when my dad sends back, 'thanks.'

I start to walk back to my room but before I do, I take a deep breath. I feel a mixture of emotions, all positive and joyous.

I continue to swim in the sea of feelings as I continue to my room, immediately laying a kiss on Marina's lips when I walk in.

A night full of soft and lazy kisses follows, ending with us laying together in bed.

Nothing more than that happens, but it doesn't need to, because the hints of love and romance present in our simple actions are more than enough for us.

I turn around to ask Marina a question, but she's already fast asleep. I smile and though it sounds strange, I feel in awe of how calm she looks in her sleep.

My worries of how she would view me after learning about my supposed internet crush are long gone. Partly because she reacted well and because I start to forget about Sea. In the time I'm with Marina, I focus on nothing else. I think about her only and how she makes me feel.

My anxiety about everything going wrong isn't important anymore because I'm with her right now. Like I mentioned before, I feel content and at ease with her.

It's everything I've ever yearned for my in life and somehow, it's more than that.

It's all I've ever and would ever need.

In that moment, I decide that finding out who Sea is, isn't all that important to me anymore.