Answer To My Life

e l e v e n

"Oh," my mom says.

My dad stays silent, while my mom looks down to the floor.

"Uh... mom? Dad?"

"That's great, Idalia," my dad says, practically tearing up.

"It doesn't seem like it is," I tell him.

I'm confused at their reactions but my dad reassures me that he's happy for me. My mom says that she's also happy, but that she will never hang a pride flag up because she hates the color combination. I sense as if there's more to it than that, but I don't question it.

"That's sort of insulting," Elliot remarks.

My mom ignores him, and then says, "I'm so happy that you had the courage to tell us."

Both of my parents hug me and we spend a moment together, where I feel like they actually love me. At times, I doubt if they even care about me, especially my dad. At the end of the day though, I do believe that they love me. Even if they have a very complicated way of showing it.

I never knew what to expect when I would come out to them, but I feel relieved that they don't react negatively. My brothers even come back inside my room and excitedly hug me, though they have no idea why this sudden hugging fest has started.

Elliot takes it as a cue to leave and waves goodbye to me, as he walks outside of my room. This time, he leaves through the front door.

My mom says, "your dad and I will take the rest of the day off. Today needs to be spent as a family."

I feel an irreplaceable sense of pride as we spend the rest of the day together. Mateo and Lucas take a break from annoying me and for once, I feel like I'm at peace. I don't have to hide this part of myself from my family.

All I feel that is missing is Sea.

daylightful | 7:14 pm
i came out to my parents.

I spend time just looking at my phone, wondering if she'll text back. When I receive a notification and realize that it's her, I almost jump off my bed.

seaofhearts | 7:28 pm
that's amazing! i'm sorry for not being there for you.

daylightful | 7:31 pm
what did i do to make you mad?

seaofhearts | 7:33 pm
nothing. you're perfect. i was just mad and took it out on you.

I blush at the thought of her calling me perfect, but I know that I need to call her out.

daylightful | 7:35 pm
yes, thanks. but that wasn't okay. you made me upset. i was constantly trying to figure out what it was that i had done. you hurt me.

seaofhearts | 7:39 pm
i know... i wish that i could make it up to you.

daylightful | 7:40 pm
tell me who you are?

seaofhearts | 7:48 pm
i can't exactly do that. i want to but i'm not ready to.

Honestly, I'm happy that she finally admitted that, but I can't lie and say that I'm not disappointed. She sends me another text which I eagerly open.

seaofhearts | 7:48 pm
the book macbeth truly is something else, isn't it

"What?" I ask myself.

I remember though, this is the book that we were assigned to read for school which means, she's in the same English program as me. I instantly run to my backpack and I look through the ripped up syllabus, figuring out that there are four different classes offered of this program.

What if she's in my class? What if she's been right in front of me and I haven't even realized it?

I grab my old yearbook from last year, and I look through all of the names of students that I can think of.

None of them match the idea of Sea that I have in my head. Part of my brain thinks about Marina since she's new and wasn't at my school last year, but I decide that it can't be possible.

It would be too obvious if it was her.

daylightful | 8:17 pm
give me another hint!

seaofhearts | 8:19 pm
i think that's enough for today. talk to you later!

I wish that she would just give me another hint, but I know that for now, this is more than enough. This is a huge breakthrough, and I finally have another lead because of it.

Strangely, I even feel like I might actually figure this out.

That night, I spend time looking through the social media accounts of possible suspects. Though none of them match, I am determined.

I will not give up.