I'm In Love With Me?

Chapter 34

Caspien's POV

Everything I said that day to Milenna wasn't exactly true. Nonetheless, it was necessary to be said.

I came into this service with nothing but visual experience and knowledge given to me by a well established system. They taught me how to sympathise with others. The many strategies of handling emotional situations. How to get someone to open up to me. How to get someone to trust me.

What they didn't teach me though, was how to protect myself from getting emotionally attached. They didn't train me of how to not care too much. After falling into that trap, I realised how flawed the system was. They wanted us to teach our charges how to protect themselves but they never thought us Society members how to protect ourselves from falling in love.

Was that what it was?

Was that what it was when seeing her smile made me internally happy? Was that what it was when seeing her cry made me want to protect her from the world myself? Was that what it was when every fibre of my being wanted to kiss her when she was asleep. Was it love?

Was it the tug in my heart that made it that? Was it the disappointment in myself when I uttered those terrible lies to her on that day? Was it the hurt I felt when I walked away? Was it love?

No. It couldn't be. I shook my head as if trying to rid of the thoughts. No. We at The Society didn't love outside of our kind. We didn't fall for humans and neither should I.

It pained me to leave Milenna how I did. It saddened me to leave her at all. She was a good person. A lovely friend.

Friend.

Or so I wanted to persuade myself into believing. I wanted myself to believe this so that my mind wouldn't be allowed to think otherwise.

I walked away from that scene that day but I didn't walk away from Milenna just yet. I followed her around for a week to see how exactly she was coping. She wasn't doing too well. On day one, I followed her in my car on the way to the supermarket. I was being extra careful to stay hidden so I remained a few feet away from her at all times.

She roamed the supermarket aisles with a frown. Her usual lively self was absent and she looked sleep deprived.

She turned into another hall and I followed quietly and discreetly. I remained hidden behind the shelf, my eyes locked on her every movement. She walked past the yogurts and as though now snapping out of her thoughts, she paused then took a few steps back. All of this seemed a bit robotic.

She took three yogurts, placing it in her cart without looking at them. Milenna was so picky with yogurts so these gestures weren't normal.

She tripped on her legs a few times and tugged on the edge of her t-shirt way too many times. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun that made it easier to see her face that was blank of emotions. Completely drained of life.

After a few more minutes, she sidled up next to the cashier. She was placing the items on the table but paid no attention to her movements. Milenna's eyes remained fixed on the sliding doors of the supermarket as the cashier tried gaining her attention. Finally, the cashier's hand on hers made her jolt back to reality. She blinked a few times. "Your total is 63.98." Milenna nodded and handed over her bill.

While out in the parking lot, she was moving way quicker than in the supermarket. Her eyes were set on a black parked car. Keeva's car. Half way there one of the bags gave out and the contents spilled onto the floor. As if by instinct, I stepped out from behind a car to give her a helping hand but Keeva's voice brought me back to my senses. "Oh no, Lenna." The car door opened and Keeva jumped out. She ran over to help a frustrated Lenna who remained glued to her spot.