I'm In Love With Me?

Chapter 23

I didn't have the courage to face mom at the moment. How could I tell a wife her husband had another family? How could I tell a wife her husband really didn't care. That's the thing, I couldn't. It would break her. Tear her heart apart.

So this was why I was sitting on my bed at home with my knees pulled up to my chest and in a really dreary mood. Despite my desperate need to be alone, Caspien was here in my room, annoying the hell out of me by being here for me. I knew what you would say. 'Oh how is that annoying? Roll eyes emoji.' It was annoying when all you wanted to do was be alone. Caspien wouldn't budge and it annoyed me. He was lounging on my office chair on the left side of my bed.

"I feel like I'm going insane." I told Caspien, pulling the blanket closer to me. That small action exposed my entire left leg. I was wearing shorts so I guess there was too much to see. I however, was too caught up in my thoughts to do something about it. Caspien's eyes traveled down the length of my exposed leg, his pupils darkening in shade. I ignored that, continuing with my words. "I hate him but I don't hate him. Is that making any sense?" I glanced at him and he cleared his throat.

"I understand what you mean." He nodded. His mind seemed occupied though.

"I'm being stupid, aren't I?" I suddenly asked with a shake of my head. I was so stupid. "After everything he did. I want to hate him so bad but I just can't. I can't hate Jason Adams."

"He had been a great dad to you for fifteen years. That's something you can't dismiss in one week. Trust me, I understand you, Lenna." He assured me. "I had a best friend named Kail for mostly all my life. He too disappointed me in the end. He chose to destroy our friendship for..." He trailed off, passing his hands through his hair tiredly. "I can't hate him because the friendship we had couldn't be dismissed easily as I thought. Sometimes we think we hate people because they hurt us so badly but deep down we're just disappointed and hurt. We feel betrayed." I stared at him, letting the words sink in. He was right. As always. That's exactly how I felt. "Sometimes we just want to know why. It's okay to feel how you're feeling." I nodded again, resting my head on the head board of the bed.

He reached out and pulled the blanket over my exposed leg, his pupils dilated. "Be careful what you do in front of me, Lenna. I'm pretty strong minded but sometimes when I'm around you, I don't think I'm strong enough to control myself." He looked up at me, his eyes capturing mines.

Wait. What did he mean exactly? He lost me. Self control? Did he think I was trying to seduce him or something? My eyes widened and before I could say anything, he started talking. "For example, you speeding off in a car without your driver's licence, one driving lesson to back you up and crowded thoughts. Not cool, Lenna. Not cool. The Society will sacrifice me if anything happens to you on my watch." He gave a forced, awkward laugh. He pushed his chair a little further away from me.

Oh. That's what he was talking about. I thought it was...never mind. Don't get your hopes up, Lenna. "If something happens to you, The Society will feel bad and then I'll be in huge trouble." He explained. "So be careful please." The last sentence sounded like a plea.

"And how would you feel?" I asked, watching him closely. His face fell.

"What?"

"If something happens to me, how would you feel?" I sat up. I needed to hear his answer. It would determine whether or not Caspien personally cared for me or was only concerned for his ass getting in trouble with The Society.

He shifted, his eyes sad. "If something ever happens to you that will kill-"

"Lenna!" Isa's voice interrupted and I cursed under my breath. "Are you okay? We got your text." Keeva emerged from the doorway with multiple bags. I texted Isa like an hour ago. At the time, I needed her company here but now Caspien and I were in deep conversation, she just had to show up. Talk about bad freaking timing.