My eyes snapped open.
It was a dream.
No...no, no, no.
I rolled over and threw up onto the carpet as tears started to stream down my face. After i vomited all the contents in my stomach, i grabbed a tissue and wiped my mouth, still crying.
I wailed into my pillow as reality sunk in.
Everything that happened, my true love returning, making my heart whole again, it was all a dream. A cruel, imaginative fantasy conjured up in the depths of my unconcsious mind. None of it was real. I retched again, this time dryly, since nothing was left in my stomach.
After a minute i realized what woke me. I looked over at my nightstand and saw my phone lying there, still beeping. Someone had sent me a text. With a fresh round of tears i remembered that Cody used to be the only one tat would text me in the middle of the night. I grabbed my phone and threw it against the wall as hard as i could. It fell to the ground in pieces.
A part of me registered that if i didn't want to explain everything to my parents, i had to clean up the carpet myself.
I had to work hard to calm myself down. When i was finally collected enough to stand up, I walked into the kitchen to grab the carpet cleaner and a rag.
I let the tears run down my cheeks silently as i scrubbed up the mess. When finished, I went into the bathroom to rinse my mouth out.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror for a long time, my self-hatred growing more and more intense. Hatred for all my stupid mistakes. For not being good enough for him. For falling in love with someone i should have known i could never have.
And then i looked down at the counter and saw the scissors lying there.
I had heard of people doing it; i even had a friend who did. But i hadn't given much thought to it until now. And now, it seemed like a very appealing idea.
All the memories i had been trying to supress suddenly fought their way to the surface, sending me into a mind-numbingly deep depression as i starting slicing my wrist. It felt good. The pain was comforting, satisfying. It was more bearable than and distracted me from the emotional pain.
I eventually forced myself to stop. I sighed heavily as i slid down the wall. I sat up against in and buried my face face in my knees and sobbed.
In a while i started to grow sleepy again. What had just been happening was extremely draining, mentally, physically, and emotionally.
As i reentered my room and plopped down on my bed, i tried to shut off my mind. I wanted every thought to be blocked. Numbness was much better than the pain.
I was so exhausted that even in my state, i fell asleep.
I wish i wouldn'nt have, though. As hard as i was trying to keep him out of my mind, he still haunted my dreams.
* * * * * * * * * * *
I opened my eyes and we were back in the grotto. Cody was holding me and the feelings over joy and contentment washed over me again.
Until i heard the first few words that came out of his mouth.
"What am i doing here?" he asked, looking at me in disgust.
"What do you mean...?" i whispered. "I thought--"
"I'm not in love with you. I don't know what i was thinking. I'm sorry."
He stood up and looked down at me. Disappointment and rejection flooded me. I looked up at him with unimaginable sorrow in my eyes.
A wave of nausea engulfed me as he started to walk away. As soon as I was able to move i got up and started walking after him. He turned around and held up his hands to stop me. As soon as I was able to move i got up and started walking after him. He turned around and held up his hands to stop me.
"Dont follow me. Please. I'm really sorry."
He turned back around and started running. I tried to run after him but my legs felt like jello. I tried calling after him too but my voice wouldn't work. Tears blurred my vision and then he was gone.
