Sarah slept over with me that night. After much convincing and begging, she finally gave me Codys number. As soon as it was in my phone, I texted him.
"Hey Cody! It's Leslie
. u remember me right?"
"Oh yeah, hey Leslie, what's up?"
We talked the rest of the night and next morning. We really hit it off. We had the same interests, we both played guitar, liked the same books and movies. I liked him more with every message I got.
That day was a Saturday, so Sarah and I went to a movie. I couldn't get him off my mind the whole time. All I was thinking about was how stupid High School Musical 3 was and how I wished it would just end already so I could text Cody again. When it was finally over I whipped my phone out like there was no tomorrow.
"Cody! The movie's over. Finally. Blech, that made me sick. Idk why I ever offered to go see that with Sarah."
"Haha. I never really liked those movies either."
"So what kindof movies are u into?"
"Oh, u know, different stuff. Adventures, fantasy, drama, those sorta things."
"Awesome! Same here. I love the Star Wars and Harry Potter movies. And kinda random but Titanic is my favorite.
"That's a pretty good movie. A bit of a chick flick though. Lol."
We laughed and talked about movies, books, video games, food, pretty much everything that day, just getting to know each other. Talking to him was so easy, so effortless. It was all I wanted to be doing,
The next day I filled up every free moment with talking to Cody and when I wasn't talking to him I was thinking about him. I just wanted it to be Monday so I could see him again.
I went to sleep that night with butterflies in my stomach. I didn't sleep much and when I did Cody was in my dreams. I woke up that morning wondering what was wrong with me. Never had I been that excited about coming to school to see someone, especially someone I had just met. I was starting to worry myself.
My heart was racing by the time I got to school. When I walked into the gym, I saw him standing over by the wall with a couple of friends. When he saw me, he smiled and started towards me. To my immensely pleasant surprise, he pulled me into a hug when he got closer.
My pulse kicked up rapidly. My breathing stopped, but not quickly enough for me to miss the way he smelled. I cant really describe it, but the combination of smells was the most amazing I've ever smelled in my life. To this day it's my favorite smell in the world.
When he let go I stared up at him with an involuntary grin on my face.
He asked me how my weekend was, but it took me second to answer because he too was smiling, and again I was dazzled by the beauty of it.
I finally sputtered out an answer as the bell rang. I was disappointed, because I didn't want to leave him, especially since I only got to have a second with him.
He patted my shoulder and said "I'll see you in band."
Band?!
6 periods away! Man I didn't want to wait that long. Again, I was scaring myself with the fact like being around him was becoming a physical need. My face fell with the thought of going the next few hours without seeing or talking to him.
I was becoming obsessed.
I did that a lot. Obsessing over things was something I was very good at. A book, a movie, a TV show, a specific celebrity, you name it. But never before had I gotten so enthralled with an actual flesh and blood person who was near me. Someone actually involved in my life. But it was happening. And that realization was slightly unsettling.
I lived for band that day. Every class I sat and watched the hands on the clock move in slow motion, as if mocking me. The fifth period bell rang after what seemed like days and I dashed out of the room and headed to the bathroom.
I wasn't quite sure why I was headed to the bathroom at first, but when I got in there I found myself inspecting my appearance in the mirror.
What was I doing? Since when did I care that much what I looked like? I couldn't answer myself at the time, I just knew I needed to look good.
After I was somewhat satisfied with my hair makeup, I went over to band. As I walked, I mentally prepared myself to not look as nervewracked as I felt on the inside. Just had to keep my cool.
When I came in the door, I saw Cody talking to Lauren, his trombone in his hand. He met my eyes, and his face lit up. At his facial expression my heart stopped and my whole body suddenly felt like jello. I immediately went over to talk to him.
Band was not long enough.
A whole day of waiting to spend time with him and all we got was about 15 minutes to talk at the beginning of class. And of course the trombones and clarinets have to be on complete opposite ends of the room.
School ended and all I wanted to do was get on the bus so I could text Cody again. Every night from then on we'd talk from the time we left school to when we went to bed.
Every morning when I woke up my feelings for him got stronger. I knew that I had never felt that way about anyone in my life. It was all happening so fast...
He was becoming much more vital in my life than I would have cared to admit. I never should have let him into my life. But somehow, I still can't bring myself to regret it.
11/6/09
Night is when it hits me.
Those nights after I see him.
The cold. The dark. The memories I am forbidden to remember but terrified to forget. Even when I see him I think I'm okay. But when it's when I go home, when night falls, that it all sinks in again.
I don't want the pain that goes with the memories. But without it how can I hold on to them? I can't possibly forget the best times of my life.
I can't forget what his smile looked like, How it lit up his face into the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I can't forget the way he smelled. It was the most wonderful smell in the world, and it terrifies me to think that that memory is slipping away from me...
I cant forget the way my heart soared whenever I saw him, the feel of his soft hands on my skin, breathing in his scent as he gave me one of those perfect hugs that could only come from him.
I absolutely cannot forget these things. I can't forget how much I was in love with him. It was the most wonderful and most awful feeling I have ever experienced.
