A few weeks later we had another football game, and Cody and I had to play in Pep Band again. In some ways it was a good night, and in some ways it was awful.
The band had a tailgate party before the game. The only reason I went to it was because I knew Cody would be there. When I saw him, my heart skipped a beat and my face broke out into an involuntary ear-to-ear grin.
It is very difficult to describe the emotions I felt when I was around him. Most of the time my reaction to seeing him was like that, absolute joy and excitement. But sometimes I would look into his beautiful green eyes and the realization that being more than friends was extremely unlikely would sink in.
That night I experienced large doses of both feelings.
My mind was totally occupied all evening. By him, and nothing else. Somebody could have died out on the football field and I wouldn't have noticed. If he ever left our area to go talk to his friends or get something from the concessions, I would freak out. Not visibly of course, its not like I was going to let people know how obsessed I was. But on the inside I was a mess. Until he returned, and warmth and happiness would engulf me once again, even though it was below freezing outside.
Once that night, with only a small touch, he made me feel on top of the world. While Sarah and I were on our way to get some food, I noticed Cody standing with a few friends by some bleachers. He held up his hand to give me a high five and I took it. He held onto my hand for a few extra seconds before he let go, and my stomach fluttered and my heart jumped into my throat.
It's a strange feeling, and those of you who have never experienced it before might not fully understand. But it was as if when he smiled at me, or I saw him again after being separated for a while, the whole world was all right. Nothing else could possibly matter, because I was with him, and that was all I wanted. He was the only thing I could see; for I all I knew, the only person that existed. I didn't care about anything else.
When the game ended and I got home that night, I became physically sick, and it was only because of Cody. I was up all night on the phone with my other friend Hayley, who was kind enough to help me with my crisis.
That night I became sure of one thing.
I was in love.
Deeply. Unconditionally. Passionately.
Head over heels in love.
The feeling was all-consuming. I cried. And cried. All night long. And I didn't even know why. I felt like I was going insane.
I had to know how he felt about me.
"Cody can I ask u something?"
"Course u can bud, anything "
I didnt really like the way he called me bud. I didn't want to be his buddy, and soon he was gonna find that out. I started typing my reply.
"I was just wondering if u, ya know, liked anyone."
"Hm lets see...I guess I really haven't thought much about that recently. I haven't had a girlfriend since my freshman year."
I was very surprised when I read this. Were girls all insane? Seems like anyone in their right mind would kill to go out with him. Maybe I was just biased.
"Really? I'd think u'd have had lots of girlfriends."
"Oh yeah? Why do u think that?"
"Well, maybe because ur adorable, smart, sweet and funny, u always are helping people out and well, to be honest, ur probably one of if not the most awesome guy I've ever met."
"Wow. I wasn't expecting that. That was quite a lot of compliments. U really like me that much?"
"Yeah. Actually, I kind of like u more than I've ever liked anyone in my whole life...."
"Awh. Well thank u leslie. Ur pretty amazing yourself."
Omg! Did he really mean that? I thought. He could make me feel better than anyone else could. My heart swelled with new and insane feelings that I had never felt before.
For the rest of the night I flirted with him, and it eased the lovesick feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. Hope filled me up with every new message he sent. Maybe there was a chance.
Finally around 1 in the morning I started to fall asleep. I told him I was exhausted and needed to go to sleep, but before I did I asked him what tonight meant for us.
"I'm not really sure...I mean I am a senior and ur an eighth grader. I guess we'll have to do something thinking about it and see what happens. "
"Alright. I'll see u tomorrow, Cody. Goodnight. "
