SAVING H.S

HARRY'S POV : THOUGHTS & FEELINGS

Harry’s pov

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop with all this lying, ever since that night I’ve always lied to the most important people in my life, I don’t know why I do it. I just do.

It may be because it’s the only way I know how. And maybe because I don’t get hurt, but that doesn’t exclude the fact that I hurt the person I lied to.

I hate lying, but it’s what I’ve been doing for over a year now, and I don’t know how to stop, it just slips out of my mouth, I can’t control it, it controls me.

Out of all the people I hate lying to; Rory is the one I hate lying to the most. She’s different. She makes me want to change. She makes me want to become a better person. She makes me happy when before I wouldn’t even smile, not a proper smile anyway.

When we were lying in my bed I wanted so badly to hold her close to my chest, to feel her warm body against mine, to hear her deep breathes when she’s fast asleep. I wanted to be able to kiss her while she slept, but I couldn’t. I knew I had to give her space, even though I ached for her touch, for her warmth. I had to keep my distance, for her sake.

When Rory found out about the text from Taylor she looked broken, her eyes were pained, her gorgeous smile didn’t appear on her beautiful sun kissed face, only a frown. She reminded me of Gemma that night I bashed that guy. But this time I couldn’t comfort her or say that it was for the best and that I was only protecting her from getting hurt, because with Rory, I was the one that made her feel this way. I was the one that made her feel sad, I was the one that hurt her to the point where she wouldn’t even look me in the eyes. And the worst part is that I couldn’t comfort her and tell her it was going to be okay.

When I heard Rory singing my heart thumped against my chest. I was pretending that I was asleep. She didn’t seem to realize that I was awake because she was so lost in the song.

I could hear the pain in her voice as she sung. I wanted to rewind and tell her the truth, but I couldn’t.

When Rory stopped singing I could hear quite sobs coming from her direction, so I did the only thing that may help her calm down a bit.

I gently wrapped my arm around her stomach, I felt her filch, before she relaxed. I took a deep breath, before I rested my head in the crook of her neck before pressing a light kiss on her collar bone. She didn’t seem to mind our closeness, if I wasn’t mistaken she pulled me closer, well at least I think that’s what she did. But I didn’t care, she was next to me, her body was intertwined with mine, like it should be.

When I woke up the next morning my body felt cold, like something or someone was missing. I groaned before I moved my arm, noticing that no one was there. I quickly sat up, opening my eyes. I noticed that Rory wasn’t next to me anymore.

Panic began to take a hold over my body. All these different scenarios began to cloud in my head, but one stood out more than the rest, and that assumption was the one I hoped and prayed for was false.

That she left me.

Even thinking about it makes me want to cry. I’ve tried so hard to get her to trust me again, and to think that I’ve lost her again tares my insides apart, like an elephant has stepped on my heart, crushing it into a million pieces.

I stood up, before I ran my hand through my hair, before I made my way into the kitchen to see if Rory was there, but to my disappointment there was no sign of her. I made my way into the lounge before I slouched down on the couch, getting annoyed with myself thinking that she would stick around.

As I was about to grab the remote so I could drown myself in TV, or at least try to I noticed that Rory’s bag was still here.

My heart accelerated at the thought that she could still be here. That she hadn’t given up on me that she hadn’t given up on us.