Stay

16

“Nati, wake up, you're late for school.” Tito yelled.

I grunted and hid under the covers.

He opened the door and pushed my wrapped up body.

“Nati, come on.” he said, still nudging me.

“I don't feel well” I replied.

I heard Titos footsteps walk away from my bed. 

“I see you opened the letters” he said. 

I tightly squeezed my eyes shut, hoping Tito wouldn't go through my stuff. The last thing I wanted to talk about was my college acceptance letters. I just wanted to be left alone to think about my next step.

“You made it into NYU Nati! Congrats! I’m so happy for you.” He said with excitement.

I heard pages start shuffling and my stomach turned into a knot.

“UCLA denied you? Damn that’s fucked up. I’m sorry. But the plus is, you got accepted into the school of your dreams nena! You should be jumping for joy.” He continued. 

I finally took the bed sheets off of my head and looked at him.

“I wanted to go to UCLA Tito. Now what am I going to do? I didn’t apply to many colleges here in California. I wanted out so badly but now I realize, I don’t. I love Los Angeles, I’m not ready to leave yet.” I stuttered, while holding back my tears.

“Aww Nati, New York City was your dream for as long as I can remember. You wanted a new environment and a new lifestyle. What changed?” he asked. 

“Nothing changed. I’m just not ready yet. I’m finally in a good place with my friends, and you and even Oscar. I don’t think I can be so far away from home without you guys. If I leave, I’ll have no one. I’ll be all alone and I’m just not ready for that.” I replied. 

Tito sighed. 

“You know nena, there is always face time. Plus you don’t need anyone but your cell phone, laptop and text books. The more you focus on school, the faster you can come back to Cali.” He said.

“I don’t want to live that kind of life. I want to be with my friends, I want to see Cesar and the group graduate, and I want to be close by incase you need me.” I replied.

“You do know, you’ll probably be back home for their graduation. And you know, I’m a big boy hermana, I can take care of myself. I think the problem here is Spooky… You don’t want to go to NYU because if you do, you’d lose him.” Tito said in an inquisitive manner. 

As much as I didn’t want to admit that to him, Tito was right. If I didn't make that promise to Oscar, I would have been so excited. I knew Tito never needed me and I knew that my friends would get along just fine without me around. 

“I mean he is part of the reason. But I’m just not ready yet. I’m not ready to be on my own on the other half of the country.” I said. 

Tito pulled me to him and hugged me. 

“I know you’ll be fine nena, we all will be fine if you leave. I think the biggest thing here is you talking to Oscar. You need to tell him. Maybe once you do, you’ll feel more excited about getting accepted to NYU.” he softly said. 

My stomach turned into an even greater knot. Just the idea of talking to Oscar about this made me nervous. Things were so good. Just yesterday we were talking about a future together and today, I have to tell him that if I want to get an education, I had to fly across the country to get it. 

“How about this one time I let you stay home. You have a lot on your plate right now and plus, I could use the help organizing my drawers.” he said.

I hugged him back and softly smiled. 

“Thank you hermano.” I replied. 

He got up and left my room. 

I quickly grabbed my phone and told the crew I wasn’t going to school and then I messaged Oscar. 

Natiixoxo: Hey
Sp00ky : Good morning bebe. Did you open those acceptance letters? I know you got into everywhere you applied to. My nena is smart. 
Natiixoxo: Well… that’s what I wanted to talk about. UCLA denied me. I got accepted to NYU, Hunter and Fordham University, all in New York.

Sp00ky typing…

It seemed like Oscar was taking quite a while to message me back. I began to worry. Maybe he was upset. 

Sp00ky: Well congratulations. I’m happy for you.
Natiixoxo: Thanks I guess. I mean I'm not happy about it…
Sp00ky: You should be. It's what you always wanted.
Natiixoxo: But it's not what I want anymore

Sp00ky typing…

I stared at the screen waiting for his reply for over 30 minutes before the notification went away. I was so anxious, I decided to text him back again

Natiixoxo: Babe?

There was no sign of him seeing the message. 

I put my phone down and threw my head onto the pillow. Just when things were great, something had to fuck it up. I couldn't help but cry.

This was something I wanted my whole life. I worked hard to maintain my grades just for this moment. And nothing about it felt exciting. The knot in my stomach got worse and worse the more I thought about it.

I envisioned myself getting on a 6 hour flight to New York to live by myself, in a city that I know nothing about. No Tito, no Oscar, no Monse, no one. God forbid anything happened to me, I'd be thousands of miles away from my only family. 

I immediately got up, ran to the bathroom and threw up. I couldn't handle the stress.

"Yo nena! You okay?" Tito asked as he knocked on the door.

I rinsed my mouth, brushed my teeth and opened the door.

"Yeah I'm alright." I lied.

"Sounded like you were vomiting… You sure you're okay?" He asked. 

"Im fine. Its just my nerves." I replied.

"Better be. I don't want to find out you're pregnant" he scoffed. 

I rolled my eyes and pushed past him.

"I'm definitely not pregnant" I replied as I walked into my room.

I grabbed my phone, and still no reply from Oscar. 

I grabbed some clothes, took a shower and helped Tito to distract my mind. We even went food shopping and still, no reply from Oscar.

On the way back home, I noticed Oscars car wasn't parked in front of his home. He usually was home at this time.

"Tito, have you heard from Oscar?" I asked.

"No not since I saw him yesterday. Why?" He questioned.

"No reason" I replied. 

I clutched my phone and began to feel those knots in my stomach again. It wasn't like Oscar to ignore my texts. 

We pulled up to our home and went inside to unpack groceries. 

The day flew by and it was already midnight. Oscar hadn't messaged me back and I was really beginning to worry. 

I grabbed my phone and messaged Cesar.

Nati: hey, is Oscar home?
Cesar: No. He wasn't home when I got back from school either. I thought he was with you.
Nati: No he's definitely not with me. I haven't heard from him since this morning. I'm starting to get nervous.
Cesar: Relax Nati. He probably went to clear his mind. He's done this before. He's probably on his way home right now. Just get some rest.
Nati: I guess you're right. Thanks. Have a goodnight.

I turned my screen off and plugged my phone in to charge. 

I closed my eyes and prayed that Cesar was right.