Okay so I have a huge problem that I just need to get off my chest. I know y'all probably don't care in anyway, but I can't rant on what I usually rant on because people I know irl are following me and they're people who I don't want to see what I'm about to say.
So I just got my first boyfriend a day ago. Ya, excite. Yeah. He's not my crush. I thought I gave up on my crush I mean he stopped texting me for a good two weeks so the flames were sedated. But right as I say yes, like literally when I get home and I''m all excited, he out-of-the-blue texts me. For the record, he wasn't at school from the time he stopped texting me to yesterday, so I also didn't have to see him, but I guess seeing me reminded him that I said hey or something and he never responded or something. Something made him text me. Maybe he was grounded (I did see him in the principles office prior to his leaving, so maybe he got suspended) or maybe (and this is WAY superstitious) since he practices witchcraft he knew that I was thinking about him the day before. Either way, the same day I got asked out, he texted me.
Yes, he's a crush and I should get over him, but there's something different about this crush. Maybe it's because he's a ginger. Maybe it's because he's the first crush to actually have many things in common with me. I've no clue. I even think I compare him to someone I knew very well who killed himself. I really have no flipping idea, but something just makes me... love him. Love is so strong a word though. But really, I don't know what else it could be. I just...
And maybe I'm making this up, but something's different now that he's back. Whenever we pass by each other I feel... I feel like he might feel the same way. It could be like one of those severe fangirl things where you think you're going to marry this pop-star and you are convinced because of one general point to the audience that they love you. I dunno. Same thing happened when he invited me to a rave. I thought I was special but turns out he texted my friend too. I mean, not like I needed to go exclusively with him to a rave; I have a boyfriend, and he has a girlfriend.
Then those are the other two points: my boyfriend and his girlfriend!
To be completely honest, I don't think he's with his girlfriend anymore. They've been together for over two years, but at the same time, he hasn't spoken to me about her in a while. Then again... People are terrible and told him that I like him. Oh yeah, didn't think of that. That might be why he stopped talking to me. Anyway, he probably respected the fact that I don't want to hear about his relationship.
Then I have a boyfriend. I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I said yes. The main reason I was never in a real relationship before is because my friend killed himself over a girl. I hate heartbreakers, and I know that I would be one. Especially when it isn't my crush whom I'm with. But I'm confused. I think I like my bf, but then again I think of my crush before I fall asleep. My friends were also being annoying by the amount of PDA... Like no joke they for some odd reason didn't care that I was the only single one in the group, they just wanted to be all adorable and crap. So I wanted something and now I'm stuck.
One of my biggest fears was to get in a relationship then have my crush turn around and say they loved me back... I fear it might happen or worse...
