Precious // Joshler // ddlb

*forty six*

I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THIS SONG AND I LOVE IT SO FRICKIN MUCH OML. WHERE HAS IT BEEN ALL MY LIFE

anyway!

(lol. this was back on nov. 11th, 2020 and as i'm writing this it's march 10th, 2021... this is still a good song tho)

(i've come back to this and now it's april 17th 2021 lol... okay, i'm realizing this song will NOT fit with this chapter, but idc, this song SLAPS)

(Hey, me again, back to writing this chapter on May 15th)

(and again on May 29th)

and here's an xtra long chapter for y'all

TW for suicide attempt, grotesque descriptions, and such. Proceed at your own risk!

🍀 = starting
🌈 = over

Tyler gets home from a therapy appointment a little after 5 p.m. Brendon had given him a ride since Josh had to do other things while he was at his appointment. As Tyler walked into the house he sighed. Josh wasn't home yet. It was raining outside. Tyler dropped his jacket and shoes at the door and went into the kitchen.

"Why." Tyler mumbles and he starts to cry. The tears just started flowing from his eyes. In all honesty, he felt like he was going to cry on the way home, but he didn't really want it to happen.

Tyler didn't know what to do anymore. He just wanted to give up completely. Just drift away. His heart just felt broken, well, it had been for most of his life. But when Josh came into his life, or I guess when he came into Josh's life it felt as if that hole had been filled. But now, many months later, it felt like it was only temporarily filled. The hole had eased its way back into Tyler's life.

"I can't do this anymore. I just... I just can't." He whispers through his tears as he screams. He wanted to float. Float away from everything. No more pain. Just a calm floating.

🍀

It was just a switch in his brain. The switch made him feel the need to end it. He had been in pain for most of his life, so wouldn't it be logical that he's going to feel this way for his entire life? Feel hopeless and unhappy. Feel like he's not good enough for anybody and just ends up alone forever. The pain never going away. Feel as he did the day he ran away from home, escaping imprisonment.

"I'm sorry, Josh." Tyler speaks softly as he moves towards the drawer in the kitchen that was filled with the super sharp steak knives. He went to open it, but it was locked. Smart Josh.

"Fuck." He mutters under his breath. Now what. He planned on bleeding out. Feeling himself go ice cold as his blood spilled out onto the floor just before he passed out.

There was no rope in the house. He checked several times. So Tyler was stuck. He didn't know what to do. He leaned on the counter feeling even more helpless before he remembered the small rope that held the curtains open. He rushed over to the living room and found one.

"Yes, thank god." He said.

There were two loops at the ends to pull them together to make the curtains open. He put it around his neck and threaded the two loops together. It fit perfectly. Now how was he going to use it. He came up with a plan and started to go through with it. He got two shirts and tied them together. He tied one sleeve of a shirt to the spout of the kitchen sink. He duct taped a sleeve from the other shirt to the rope and duct taped the rope closed. It was a makeshift noose, if you will.

He stood there for what seemed like an eternity. His eyes were like waterfalls. He slowly leaned forward, the duct tape became loose and the rope started to get tighter around his neck. His mind was saying "keep leaning forward. this will all be over soon. no more pain" But at the last second the brunet would stop leaning forward and his hands would rush to the rope and loosen it. This cycle repeated for over an hour. Every time he got close, something in his brain would stop him and he'd stop.