Thoughts and Things

I think my patience is wearing thin

I think my patience is wearing thin.

Can't you tell, can't you tell,

I'm bursting at the seams,

can't you hear every part of me screaming?

I think my patience is wearing thin.

Screaming, screaming-

for what? For mercy? For help? 

Screaming, screaming-

what for? Who's listening?

I think my patience is wearing thin.

Can't you tell by my steady gaze

that I want to be anywhere else

but here?

Can't you tell that I want to be anyone else

but me?

I think my patience is wearing thin.

How can no one see

my teeth grinding together

in frustration, in anger?

How can no one hear 

the grinding together,

the sound of bone scraping against bone?

I think my patience is wearing thin.

How can anyone look at me 

and notice nothing wrong?

My bottom lip is chewed to shreds,

my eyes can hardly stay open

and there's dark circles beneath them,

my fingers twitch of their own accord,

and my voice trembles.

My patience is wearing thin.

I can't speak without stuttering,

without tripping over my tongue,

how can no one notice?

How can no one notice how often I have to pause,

close my eyes, and take a deep breath,

how can no one notice how I can't sit still,

how I can't focus,

how I can't do a damn thing right-

My patience is wearing thin.

If they do notice,

what do they think?

Do they think it's on purpose,

that it's an act?

Do they think I'm happy with myself, 

with the way I am?

Do they think it's nothing,

that I'm only tired?

Are they ignoring it all?

My patience is wearing thin.

Every comment,

every sideways glance-

I see them,

I hear them.

I'm not stupid.

They hate me,

they don't understand me,

they don't understand that I don't want to be this way,

but I can either accept it and move on

or I can wallow in self misery forever.

My patience has worn out.

I am a lit fuse,

I am waiting to ignite.

It won't be pretty,

but it'll make one hell of a noise.