Thoughts and Things

An Innocent Smile

I smiled

when I was young

and I promised

that I would always be good.

I smiled

because it seemed

like the best way to keep that promise

and because I was happy.

I was always nice

and sweet

and I never said anything bad about anyone

and I never judged anyone.

Then he smiled at me

and it seemed like another promise

and I vowed to keep it for him

because out of everyone else

he chose me.

He made me very happy,

more than anything else did.

Now I smile

but no one returns it except him

and I try to be nice

but I'm bitter

and I say things that aren't true

and I say things that I don't mean.

And it was too late

when I realized

I wasn't special to him,

that I was one of many

that he flirted with

and seduced

on a regular basis.

And I was upset

that he had betrayed me.

But by this time

the bitterness had seeped into my blood

and I wasn't sure how to get back

to the sweet girl I was before

or even how

to make my smile sincere again.

Every time I tried to be good

I was met with cold unforgiving pain.

Reality was too harsh

for a sweet naive girl

like the one I was before.

And I knew

deep down

I could never be happy again.

So I cried.

He smiled again

and he welcomed me into his fiery kingdom

and he promised

that I would never die or get hurt,

that I could live forever

in peace

and be happy.

And again

I realized too late

that he lied.