Love is a Battlefield

Making a Choice

Carlos went to lunch feeling conflicted. He was stuck between Jay and Ben literally as he sat down. He scooted over to Jay resting his head on his shoulder nuzzling his arm but it didn't make him feel happy like it usually did. He snaked a hand under the table and grabbed Ben's hand feeling butterflies in his stomach again. Carlos furrowed his brows staring at his food hard as if it had somehow caused his current problem. No, there was no blaming anyone but himself. He knew he loved Ben since they were little but he never did anything and now he was with Jay. He had genuinely felt love for jay the whole time they were together but now it was fading like a fire slowly putting itself out. He didn't know if he should try to reignite it or go to the flame that always burned in his chest, the one that was always there for him.

He felt tears prickle at the corner of his eyes. Audrey, Evie, Mal, and Jane all seemed to notice at about the same time as the tears spilled over. He buried his face in Jay's arm muffling a choked sob. The table immediately went silent and Ben put a hand on Carlos' back at the same time as Jay wrapped his arm pulling him close. He sobbed into Jay's chest not knowing what to do. Regardless of what he chose his heart was going to hurt one way or another. There was no getting out of this unscathed and it was all his fault. He pitied himself and it was the worst feeling. Self-pity made him feel sick. He didn't even want to think about eating what so ever.

"Carlos what's wrong," Jay asked quietly. "You were in a great mood this morning." He almost sounded a little bitter about it. Carlos shook his head not wanting to talk about it. Ben felt guilty. He knew Carlos loved them both, just as Ben had loved both Harry and Carlos. He knew exactly what he was feeling right now and just shushed him rubbing his back comfortingly. Ben's warmth and comfort made Carlos slowly stop crying despite Jay's best efforts. Thankfully since they were comforting him at the same time neither knew that it was Ben who made him stop crying. Carlos felt awful and guilty for finding comfort from him and not his boyfriend. It added to the sick feeling in his stomach. He abruptly got up and ran for the bathroom. He slammed the stall door open and dry heaved as nothing was in his stomach but stomach bile. He retched as fresh tears sprang up in his eyes. He heard the bathroom door open before Ben walked in coming in to rub his back. Carlos only started sobbing harder falling to his knees and slipping onto the floor. Ben sat down and pulled him close rubbing his back. A second later Jay opened the bathroom door coming in and pulling Carlos from Ben's arms and held him close. Ben watched frowning. Carlos couldn't stop the pain and guilt from overwhelming him he cried into Jay's shoulder.

"Carlos, talk to me, baby. What's wrong?" Jay asked sweetly rubbing his back almost treating him like he was an actual baby the way he was holding him. Carlos shook his head again not wanting to talk. Ben got up and walked up going over to Carlos and Jay.

"Don't do this to yourself, Carlos. I know it hurts... but I want you to be happy okay? Just worry about being happy okay? Don't stress about it so much." He continued to soothe him. Jay was thoroughly confused but this seemed to comfort Carlos enough that he stopped sobbing and looked at Ben over Jay's shoulder.

"But I know what makes me happy... but it isn't... easy..." Carlos admitted shakily and Ben couldn't help but smile and boop Carlos's nose with his finger making him chuckle sadly.

"It'll be okay Carlos. Nothing like this is easy but I promise you, it'll be okay." Ben reassured and Carlos melted. He loved Ben so damned much it hurt. Not just because of the sex that was so good but because of who Ben was. Ben was like pure light that brought warmth and sunshine. Jay was like the sky but Ben was the sun, so bright and good that looking directly at it pretty much hurt. He knew he wanted to be with Ben but he had no idea how to go about that. He knew he couldn't just leave Jay like this it felt wrong. Jay deserved better but so did Ben. It was a complicated mix of emotions that had no perfect solution

Carlos smiled at Ben reaching out and booping Ben's nose back. He leaned in and squeezed Jay tightly pulling him into a sweet but sad kiss. "Thank you, babe. Thank you, Ben." He smiled and snuggled up in Jay's neck but looked at Ben longingly. Jay scoffed a bit and turned to look at Ben.

"We don't need you here anymore. I can handle this Ben." Jay sounded bitter as hell making Carlos thump on Jay to cut it out. Jay put Carlos down and Ben frowned and put his hands up in surrender.

"Sorry, I just wanted to make sure he was okay." Ben turned and walked out back to the cafeteria giving Carlos an apologetic look. Carlos growled weakly hitting Jay's arm.

"What was that for. Ben was just trying to be a good friend." His brows furrowed as Jay scoffed and shook his head.

"No, he isn't he talked to you like he knew you better than I do. I'm your boyfriend. I can handle comforting you by myself. I don't need your side piece coming to help." Carlos looked at Jay in surprise before shoving him.

"You are the reason I even slept with him. If you hadn't slept with Harry it wouldn't have happened. I've known Ben since I was five years old Jay. He's my best fucking friend and you are acting like a total dick. I don't want to be with you if you are going to act like this. God, I can't believe you." Carlos scoffed pushing past him to leave before Jay grabbed him and pulled him close.

"I'm sorry babe. I'm just a little jealous. Please forgive me..." Jay tried to kiss Carlos but he yanked his head away refusing to kiss him.

"No Jay. You always get like this. You get so jealous sometimes whenever someone gives me attention and yet you ditch me for Harry half the fucking time. I'm sick of it. We are over. I can't do this anymore." Carlos shoved him off and stormed out of the bathroom as tears started falling. Carlos went to the lunchroom to grab his things crying again and set out towards the parking lot. Ben grabbed his things and got up to sprinting after him.

"Carlos, what happened?" Ben said grabbing ahold of him and pulling him to stop halfway across the parking lot already.

"Jay acted like such a jealous asshole to you. You didn't do anything wrong and I couldn't stand it. He always gets jealous like this and I can't stand it anymore. I just broke up with him." Carlos croaked between sobs and Ben pulled Carlos tightly to his chest holding him comfortingly.

"I'm so sorry Puppy." Ben attempted to comfort him. Jay came running out after him.

"Hey! Get off my boyfriend." Jay commanded and Carlos wheeled around glaring at jay through his tears.

"I'm not your fucking boyfriend anymore. Go fuck, Harry. I'm done." Carlos seethed and Jay frowned pulling Carlos too him.

"I said I'm sorry I even let you sleep with Ben, can't we move on like we promised?" Jay tried to soothe but Carlos was beyond that.

"We would be beyond that if it weren't for how you fucking act. You can't treat me like you do. I'm not property. I don't love you anymore. You ruined that the moment you cheated. I can't move past it. So leave me alone. Ben isn't just some fucking side piece. He's the one who got me through mom's abusive bullshit. He's my best friend and guess what? I fucking love him. He doesn't treat me like you do. So leave me to fuck alone." Carlos was damn near screaming at this point shoving Jay away not wanting to touch him. Jay was completely taken back starting to cry.

"Baby-" Jay started but Carlos interrupted.

"Don't fucking call me that. I'm not your baby anymore." Carlos stormed over to Ben's car tugging at the handle. "Unlock the god damn door, Ben." He demanded and Ben obliged pressing a button on his keys to unlock the car door. Carlos got in and slammed the door before well and truly breaking down. Ben frowned looking at Jay with pity before going and getting in the car with Carlos and ditching the rest of their school day for the first time in his life.