Love is a Battlefield

Complicated Feelings

Ben sat down in his next class with Harry and chose a seat farther away, just wanting some space. It wasn't the best idea right now considering the fact that the only thing on his mind was Carlos, but he needed time to get his feelings back in check. The reality was he did like Harry, but he was in love with Carlos. He didn't want to hurt Harry's feelings especially since there wasn't any chance, he was going to get with Carlos since Jay existed. From across the room, Harry shot Ben a confused look as Audrey decided to take Ben's normal seat. He pretended not to notice Harry staring at him until his phone vibrated. Checking it carefully it was from Harry.

"Babe why are you sitting all the way by the windows?" the text message read. Ben bit his lip, he needed an excuse, but nothing was coming to mind immediately. How do you tell your boyfriend you want space because you are in love with someone else? He grimaced at the thought trying to push his feelings down.

"We spent the weekend together, I just need a little space. I'm not feeling too good right now." He replied before tucking his phone away burying his head in his arms on the desk. He felt awful which was true, he knew his feelings for Carlos shouldn't be interfering with his current relationship, but they were and he couldn't help it. His head swirled with guilt to the point he genuinely felt sick. He raised his hand. "Can I please go to the restroom?" The teacher obliged giving him a hall pass and letting him go. Ben practically ran to the bathroom and slid down in the stall onto the toilet just cupping his face in his hands desperately. He didn't know what to do. His heart lurched and he felt tears sting at the corners of his eyes. "Fuck." Ben cried to himself, sobbing into his hands at how completely horrible this all felt. He felt like he was screwed no matter what he decided to do and school was the last place he wanted to be right now.

The bathroom door opened, and Ben ignored it just continuing to sob into his hands. He tried to ignore the other person until he heard a knock at the stall door.

"Hello?" Carlos asked quietly. Ben gasped and cleared his throat choking on his sobs now.

"C-Carlos?" Ben stuttered not able to compose himself any longer as the building sorrow in his gut ripped sobs from his throat. Carlos opened the door hesitantly and pulled Ben up into a hug. Ben didn't want to give in but his heart needed comfort. He buried his face in Carlos' shoulder sobbing harder as the affection made his heart crack and break more.

"Ben, you can't deny it any longer what's wrong?" Carlos asked carefully rubbing his back in slow circles that made Ben feel fuzzy inside. The affection eventually won out and Ben's crying stopped.

'It's complicated. Too complicated." Ben croaked from Carlos's shoulder. Thankfully Carlos didn't push he just rubbed his back some more before pulling back to look Ben in the eyes.

"You can always talk to me remember... Best friends and all that." Carlos gave him the most beautiful smile and it took everything in Ben to not lean forward and pull that beautiful smile of his into a kiss. Instead, Ben forced a small smile back and nodded sadly.

"I know Carlos... it's just something I can't talk about." Ben sniffled and side-stepped Carlos to go wash his face off of the tears. Carlos took the opportunity to actually use the bathroom. When Carlos left the stall Ben had already gone back to class. Carlos felt his heart-breaking thinking of Ben. He was madly in love with his best friend but they both were taken. He understood complicated and this was certainly it. The worst part being Carlos never trusted Harry to take good care of Ben, unlike Jay, Harry was a huge flirt and it was no surprise to Carlos there would be complications in that relationship, but he didn't push or pressure Ben to talk. He knew that Ben would come to him when he was ready if he ever was. He just wanted Ben to be okay. Taking his hall pass he went the long way back to class, stopping outside of Ben's classroom to peer in and check on him. Sure enough Ben looked awful and he and Harry were sitting far apart. Carlos had no idea what was going on but his heart ached for Ben. It should have been him that was with Ben from the beginning, but it never happened. Now he was with Jay and they were happy.

Jay treated him right for the most part, but he couldn't deny his feelings for Ben, he could only suppress them. He loved both boys, but he knew if there were ever the chance to be with Ben he wouldn't hesitate to take it. He loved Jay but he loved Ben more, it was just a matter of Ben not being available and Carlos being taken. It was a complicated and awful situation that was all he could think going back to class. He tried to commit to focusing on his chemistry lab but honestly was far too distracted with thoughts of how heartbroken Ben was. How he had just wanted to hold Ben, kiss his tears away, and make everything better, but he couldn't. That wasn't his place to do something like that no matter how much his heart wanted him to. For now, he would have to resolve to be the best friend he could to him and hope it would all work out. Things usually did but Carlos didn't trust that Harry wouldn't somehow make a mess of things no matter how hard he tried. Carlos knew Harry almost as long as he knew Jay and of the two, Jay was at least responsible. Harry was a mess who didn't ever like responsibility or people telling him what to do. That was part of his charm, Carlos assumed, but it didn't make him the most reliable lover. Many times had he witnessed the boy casually flirting with other people but he didn't want to hurt Ben by being the one to tell him. So he kept his mouth shut and did his best to be a shoulder to lean on. Carlos loved Ben more than anything, but it was something he couldn't admit to anyone, but his heart wanted to.