Love is a Battlefield

Star-Crossed Lovers

The next morning Carlos woke to Ben spooning him from behind. Inside he knew this was a bad idea but he couldn't help but snuggle back into his arms just for now. It was innocent and pure, he did it in his sleep it didn't have to mean something even if Carlos knew it did. He let himself be lulled back to sleep for a bit before Ben woke up, shifting the bed and waking him in the process.

"Sorry..." Ben muttered going to the bathroom to pee and brush his mouth out after waking up with morning breath and vomit breath. Once satisfied with the cleanliness of his mouth Ben stepped back out into his room where Carlos was sitting up waiting for him. They both shifted uncomfortably.

"Ben we need to talk..." Carlos started, looking up at Ben who quickly avoided his gaze looking around his room intently.

"I don't think we do," Ben argued not budging an inch from the spot where he was standing. It was clear he remembered last night clearly enough to have a conscience about it. Carlos sighed heavily looking at Ben waiting for him to look back at him. When that didn't happen Carlos grumbled and waved his hands to get his attention. Ben frowned looking at Carlos, guilt amongst many feelings written across his face.

"Yes, we do Ben... Things happened last night and I'm guessing you remember." Carlos couldn't help but sound like a strict parent reprimanding their child. Ben shrank in on himself nodding reluctantly not able to tear his gaze away from Carlos now. As much as Ben shouldn't be thinking it, Carlos looked so cute disheveled and freshly woken up. If anyone could make something, anything, look good it was always Carlos to him.

"Fine... I remember. What is there to talk about?" Ben said ignoring the obvious largely because he was trying to will that memory out of existence. Carlos scrunched his nose up at this not liking this response.

"Well, where do I begin? You were a total asshole to me for trying to help you. You drank yourself into oblivion and..." Carlos hesitated out of nervousness. If he brought it up it would mean it was real and they would have to actually talk about it. Frankly talking about it scared the shit out of Carlos. " You kissed me, Ben." He finally said voice shaking a bit. Ben looked heartbroken at the mention of the kiss if you could even call it that. It was a pathetic chaste peck on the lips. It was hardly a kiss at all but it was a kiss regardless and it definitely meant something.

"I'm sorry okay? I wasn't in my right mind last night at all. I saw Harry there and I just couldn't help myself. I started pounding drinks hoping to numb the pain away and enjoy myself. One drink lead to like five or six and that punch was strong..." Ben admitted still avoiding the kiss subject honestly. Carlos nodded listening intently.

"Okay, I can forgive you for being a fucking asshole to me and for drinking yourself to death but... that doesn't explain the rest." Carlos pushed fidgeting with the hem of his shirt a bit trying not to think about how tightly fitted the close Ben was wearing were or how good they made him look. He admittedly wasn't angry about the kiss he just wanted answers, his heart demanded them because right now it was pounding in his chest at the things it could mean and how complicated it would make things if what he thought were true.

"The rest?" Ben played dumb pretending not to know what he meant making Carlos give him a look of disapproval.

"The kiss Ben. Why are did you kiss me I need to know. I deserve to know." He was reaching his limit with Ben's bullshit and pussyfooting around the issue. Ben sighed looking shaky and ran a hand through his hair.

"What do you want me to tell you, Carlos? You want me to tell you that I'm completely in love with my best friend who I just happened to walk into seeing in the middle of fucking his boyfriend? That the whole reason this break up doesn't hurt so bad as it could because I was already in love with you? Do you really want me to tell you that the reason I broke down Monday was that all I could think about was how seeing you in Jay's lap made me jealous? Or how I kissed you last night because I had zero control over how I would react?" Ben spewed it all out frustrated and messily. He didn't mean to basically sound like a jealous asshole again, but it just came out that way on its own. Carlos just sat in silence the thoughts swirling around in his head, his heart aching at what this meant. He loved Ben and Ben loved him too. Problem being, Carlos was in a relationship.

"How long?" Carlos asked frankly, he didn't have the strength or patience to deal with any more games.

"Since we were kids. I always felt that way about you but didn't realize what it was until middle school." Ben said now looking at his shoes avoiding looking at Carlos. His voice is softer and emotional as he could feel himself preparing for heartbreak.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Carlos sighed looking helplessly at Ben who looked too good and too lovable for his own good right now.

"Why does it matter?" Ben said dismissively hazarding a look up at Carlos, his eyes glued to Ben. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Because..." Carlos started before getting up and padding over to Ben. He took Ben's face in his hands and leaned in kissing him. It wasn't as chaste as last night but it was soft a genuine. Just a long sweet kiss that when Carlos pulled away left Ben confused. "I feel the same way about you too Ben." He looked into Ben's eyes, hand resting on Ben's chest.

"What about Jay?" Ben asked in a whisper and the name was like a dagger to Carlos's heart. He hadn't forgotten about Jay. He just wanted Ben to know he felt the same way.

"I love Jay too Ben... Maybe not in the same way or as much but I do. I'm not going to leave him." Carlos reaffirmed to both Ben and himself. Ben looked heartbroken again but nodding understanding. "I just wanted you to know I love you too. You deserve to know that even if we can't be together. Don't worry I'm not going to try to cheat on Jay with you. You know I'm not like that. So this stays between us okay?" Carlos choked up on the last sentences not expecting to get so emotional. Ben just nodded and hugged Carlos burying his face in his neck, holding him tight for now, while he still could.