the color orange, and other things twisted by chronic illness

control

i always have
three to do lists
running
simultaneously.
i always know
when appointments
are happening.
i try to plan
for everything.
and maybe that's
uptight.
or maybe it's
just me
trying
desperately
to control some part
of my life
because
i know i can't
control
how my body
feels.
and the illusion
of control
in anything
can be
so
comforting.