the color orange, and other things twisted by chronic illness

like a carrot on a stick

the thing about

getting better

is that 

it's not 

a linear process.

i will make improvements

for a couple weeks

and it's great.

i feel free

and hopeful.

but then

weeks

and

weeks

go

by

where

nothing

gets

any

better.

mom offers to call the doctor,

schedule an earlier appointment,

see if we can get on

a better track.

what if that means inpatient?

panic.

and stress makes everything worse.

sometimes

it's like chronic pain

is dangling health

just out 

of my reach.