the color orange, and other things twisted by chronic illness

"what's the point?"

according to

a psychologist

i spoke with,

it isn't uncommon

for people

with chronic pain

to,

at times,

think

"what's the point?"

because

we wake up

exhausted

and

in pain,

go about our day

exhausted

and

in pain,

then go to sleep

exhausted

and

in pain.

it is a

relentless

frustrating

hollowing

cycle.

i too,

at times,

think

"what's the point?"

but

i am still here.

because

i promised

to be a constant

in the life

of one of my friends.

because

of everyone

i could never

leave behind.

because

of breathless moments

after breaking from a kiss.

because

of awe-spiring sunrises

i could not bear

to never see again.

because

of the smell

of warm cookies,

one of

my favorite things.

you see,

there are

too many people

too many moments

that i would miss.

so when i find

myself thinking

"what's the point?"

i remind myself of

those people

those moments.

they are

the point.

and so

i remain.