the color orange, and other things twisted by chronic illness

pause button

sometimes

i find it hard

to explain why

night time

and sleep

are no comfort 

to me.

isn't it

a pause button

from everything?

not to me.

after i've said goodnight

all that remains

is silence

and 

darkness.

a terrible combination,

really,

that breeds melancholy 

it is the time when

pain falls 

over my body

like a blanket

made of lead

and i am

alone.

i toss 

and turn

and toss

and turn.

it doesn't

annoy 

or anger

me.

i just

wish

my pause button

worked.