With and Without You (A Jordan Knight Fanfiction)

Chapter 21

The last month has been hell without Jordan. There's been no phone calls, no letters, no word from him. She guesses its truly over. She can't handle it she's got to get out of Boston. She makes some phone calls, speaks to the admin office about a transfer, they get it arranged for the next semester, it's too late for this semester, which is fine. She has something to take care of before she heads out to a new school anyway. She packs up her dorm room and goes to say goodbye to her dad and stepmom. They ask what her plans are and she says she'll tell them but they have to swear not to tell Jordan or anyone else. She never wants to see Jordan again. She needs this to be a clean break.  

Vivian lets them know she's going back to Texas for a little while, then she has been accepted to transfer to UCLA next semester. She leaves out the part about being pregnant and having an appointment scheduled to have an abortion when she gets to Texas. The less people who know about that the better. She's says her goodbyes and kisses her dad. Then she leaves Boston in her rearview. Her heart aches all the way back to Texas.

Her mom is waiting for her when she gets home. Her mom wraps her arms around her as soon as she gets out of her car. Vivian collapses into her arms and she sobs, like she hasn't sobbed before. She's broken, she feels dead inside. Her mom takes her up to her room and puts her to bed. Her mom let's her know they have to be at the clinic by seven am the next morning. Vivian nods and goes to sleep.

The next day is a nightmare for Vivian. The part of her that was still innocent and happy, dies along with her and Jordan's unborn baby. All her hope's and dreams die also. She's feels like just a shell of her former self. She decides as soon as she feels up to it she's leaving Texas and moving on with her life.

After about two weeks she heads off to California.  A chance for a new start. When she makes it to the UCLA campus and meets with the registar, she decides to change her name. She no longer wants to be Vivian, she wants to be called Leigh, her middle name. Once classes begin she's busy, tries to stay as busy as possible. She half expects Jordan to show up one day on campus, but she never sees or hears from him. He must have really forgotten about her.

Most days she does good and doesn't think about him at all. Then his first single is released. It's her song. She finds it difficult to get out of bed for a week. She buys his album first day it's out. But she never opens it to hear it. She just puts it in her "Jordan Box".

Jordan's life has been a whirlwind the past few months. After he got back from California he went to Vivian's dorm room, but a stranger opened the door. She said she had never heard of any Vivian. Jordan went to her dad's place, all they would tell him is "She's fine. And it's best you leave her alone, she doesn't want you looking for her". Jordan left her dad's and flies to Texas next. He got the same message from her mom. "She's fine, she doesn't want you looking for her". His heart shattered all over again.

Jordan goes back to Boston.  He goes to Donnie's, he needs to get the rest of his things. He wonders if Donnie knows where she is. In the jealous part of his mind he wonders if they saw each other after he left. Jordan knocks on the door, Donnie opens it and motions for him to come in. Jordan says hi, Donnie says hi back. Jordan goes into what was his room. The first thing he sees is Vivian's dress that she'd worn to his sister's wedding laying on his bed. "Donnie, what the fuck is this doing in here?"

Donnie looks in to see what he's talking about. "Oh that, she never came back for it. I figured you'd see her once you got back."

"You haven't seen her since I left? I went by the dorm she wasn't there, some girl I've never seen before was in her room. I went to her dad's, all I got there was she's fine and don't try and find her. So, I flew to Texas, to her mom's. Got the same message I'd gotten from her dad. She's disappeared Donnie. She's gone. I really fucked up didn't I? I was too hard on her, or I shouldn't have been so stubborn and called her from California." Jordan starts to cry. He can't control it. He feels so empty, like his heart is missing. How's he supposed to live without a heart? Donnie put a hand on his best friend's shoulder and tries to comfort him.

Jordan gets himself under control, and he finally has the nerve to ask Donnie about that night. Donnie's story is the same as Vivian's. With his side added in about Angie. Jordan believed him. He still hated the thought that his best friend fucked his girl.  But there was nothing to be done about that now. And from the looks of things Vivian was gone, he couldn't lose them both. He was going to need his best friend, now more than ever.