Saturday
Oct. 12 1964
9:15 pm
It's so cold i wonder why, i got off bed alone, the morning rains sneered up my windows.
I can see it all, with your pictures on my wall, it really hurts so bad.
*****************************
Ditto
Dearest Jamike,
If you are reading this letter, it means that i can't be with you in this world again. I can only be permitted to watch and guide you from above. Don't blame yourself my love, i did what i did for love. I promised to protect you, to stand by you till your dreams are accomplished.
I will always keep the memories of you and i right in my heart and i know in my heart that you will always miss me. I'm sorry i can't be with you at your big day as a Catholic priest i need to take care of things my way.
I know you might be hurt by this, but you are the only one who should know this as my friend. I sincerely ask for your forgiveness for my stupid actions and i honestly ask that you pray for me.
I'm going to meet with a certain doctor for a D & C. Yes, I'm pregnant with your child. I wanted to have the child secretly when i found out about it,i wanted it to be a part of you that you will leave with me,but at a time i let my selfish interest get the best of me.
At a time i wanted more than that,i craved for a complete family with you,a family with children. I wanted a happy ending but then we can't always have what we want in life right?
I had wanted to tell you about the baby the day i called you over to the house,but when i found out that you loved your vocation more than you ever loved me,i couldn't do it. I don't blame you Ikem,and so please don't blame nor hate yourself.
Just like i did a year ago,i will give you what you want,i will protect your dreams,i will let you be the priest you so much cherish,but i can't hang on to this part of you growing inside me either. I wish you well love.
If i make it out, of course there will be no need for this letter because i will be there for you,but if i don't then you will get it from Adiele.
If i survive peradventully,i will travel far away,i will give my heart to another for a second chance at love. I will try to forget you of course and i will start a family with the man i will love.
And if i don't,just know that i don't ever regret meeting you, know that i will always keep loving you, keep protecting you, keep praying for you and keep wishing you well even as i surrender to death.
I don't really know what life means,but i know that i lived it with you,and i will always cherish it. You were the brother i never had, you were to me like a father and you became the friend i loved unconditionally. If i was to count the blessings that God gave me in this world,i will count you first.
I write to you with uncertainty but i know that our paths were meant to cross and i also know now that we were never meant to be we just happened.
Take care of yourself for me, think of me when you can and please pray for me always. I learnt a lot from you and i owe you a lot. Accept my little gift of love and know that i will always watch over you,i will be your angel and will forever keep you in my heart.
Te amo mi Cherie,i couldn't ask for anything else. Deep in my heart i know i will see you again, though i don't know when or where but till then Cherie ADIOS .
YOUR'S TRULY
THELS.
